Post by GoVoysGo on Dec 26, 2016 9:56:16 GMT -5
So... I realize there's a problem with me picking and choosing which weeks to post these fucking things. Truthfully, the annoyance is within the formatting. All the colours, the stupid "trending" thing I got going... even the MVP and LVP took time. From now on, I'm going to have my new "raw" Power Rankings, and I'm going to really try to post them weekly now that I have no excuses.
The template is more or less the same as before. Lowest teams are listed first. Rank, team name, and record are listed, followed by the weekly report for that team. Omitted will be MVP, LVP, and Reason for hope (I know, that was the best part, I'm sorry guys). To make it up this time, I'll throw in something special at the end. Anyways, enjoy!
These boards will be used for the weekly power rankings. I thought it would be nice to suggest how this league appears to shape up ahead of this upcoming season. I will be posting the weekly power rankings in one part each week. There will be no bottom half first part, also known as the glass half full half, nor the MC Hammer second portion (Too Legit too Quit). If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways. For the 2016-17 season, I'll be doing the rankings in reverse. I'm not sure if it's supposed to build suspension, or just because writers tend to save the best for last, but I'm going to follow suit. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#T5 • NORTH KOREA KOMODOS • 2-9
T5? Really?
Yeah, I honestly couldn't pick.
I return just in time as everyone finishes their break and gets on the road again, but if you're North Korean, it might not be something to look forward to (well, if you're North Korean, there isn't much of anything to look forward to).
Injuries to Jake Allen, PK Subban, Max Domi, and Mika Zibanejad hurt the team, but leaving a healthy Mike Hoffman and especially Bobby Ryan on the IR also doesn't help the Dictators' chances. Ryan assisted a goal in his return, then busted out a point streak of 5 consecutive games, notching 4 goals and 2 assists in the process, all the while tallying 30.4 fantasy points. Alternatively, Hoffman has a goal through two games since emerging from the reserve (that's 4.4 fantasy points per game).
I'm not going to even begin to comment on this week's performance by the Komodos. I don't care that it was such a mismatch (the opposing Huskies won the week in scoring). That was pure atrocity.
Admittedly, this is a fantastic roster hiding behind an incompetent owner... and there are rumours that coach Blake Mabcock may be on the way out (lol as if). We've seen this team perform well; North Korea has been a top-half scorer plenty of times, and they did manage a win each against Mars and Guelph (although, judging by the overall standings, that isn't saying too much).
Still, with hot hands like Auston Matthews and Erik Karlsson aboard, and a returning-to-form Justin Faulk, the Komodos are more than capable from stealing a win from a top team fighting to make the playoffs.
As for them making the postseason... it'll be difficult, but there's enough disparity in the league that literally anyone has more than a reasonable chance at it. Yeah, don't worry guys. Even though that happens every year, and it's a major problem that nobody else other than me ever tries to fix, it's fine. Give all your good players to Sharvit, who then gives them to Stier, and continue this trainwreck that we call "dynasty franchises". Why would we want it any other way?
#T5 • MARS MARTIANS • 3-8
Even without being the worst, I've still managed to rank you last. Yet you still fail to take a hint and improve your team.
All right, all right. I'll admit, you kept up all week long, and for a moment on Friday it seemed as though you might have made a mid-day comeback against rival (lol) Halifax Voyageurs. Alas, 'twas not to be on the night before Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve Eve.
Reports out of nearby Pittsburgh (cause who the fuck actually lives in Mars, Pennsylvania) claim that owner Isaac Reich is out of commission after surgery to the lower face. One source mentioned that Reich "looks like a chipmunk." This was confirmed by Reich himself through the social media Snapchat.
This marks the second low-scoring, close matchup against Halifax that resulted in a Martians loss; the first one being Mars' home opener, this one on the road in Nova Scotia.
Some impressive out-of-nowhere performances by Eric Staal (16.5 FPTS), Leon Draisaitl (17.3 FPTS), and Sam Gagner (15.4 FPTS) helped keep this affair close all week long. The trio have been criticized by media and fans alike as being "over-the-hill, overhyped, and... well honestly, I kinda like Gagner." Continued dominance by the top-ranked goalie Devan Dubnyk (30.3 FPTS) didn't hurt either. Taking a 0.1 lead into the "final day" (because apparently Christmas is so important... I mean, what the fuck happened to good Jewish values?), things looked good for the Ms, before it all fell apart. Despite putting up a respectable 62.5 score on Christmas Eve Eve, Mars received another marker in the L column.
The Martians will host the scorching-hot Goats next week, and all 1,658 residents of Mars will tune in for that one.
Yes. All 1,658 of them.
#4 • GUELPH GRYPHONS • 4-7
Let's not get penisy.
Okay, since I really doubt anyone gets my reference, I'm going to pause this Chanukah Edition Power Rankings to explain.
In Star Wars Episode IV, after Obi-Wan Kenobi dies and they escape from the Death Star, some TIE Fighter jets attack them. Luke Skywalker manages to hit one, and he yells out "I got one!" Han Solo responds, "Great, kid! Don't get cocky."
Now, I don't know if you know, but Seth MacFarlane redid IV, V, and VI through his show Family Guy, recasting the parts with the show's characters. This is the reference (comes at around 1:30 into the clip), although I highly recommend you watch the whole episode before I move on to some other short-term obsession.
So, yeah. Don't get penisy.
Much like Mars, the Gryphons fell victim to Christmas Eve Eve. After trading leads with host Grand Rapids countless times throughout the week, the difference in score was 23.3, a reasonable, but definite finish in the loss to the league's response to the real-life Columbus Blue Jackets.
Coach Souvien appears content to ride the hot hand that is Alex Wennberg (16 FPTS), while also relying on top scorers Charlie Coyle (30.7 FPTS) and Victor Hedman (25.9 FPTS). Goaltending continues to be an issue as Tuuka Rask, Antti Raanta, Andrei Vasilevskiy, and Connor Hellebucyk tumble on with frustrating inconsistency. "Vasy" has played as well as one could possibly play amid an injury-stricken, underachieving season for the Tampa Bay Lightning, although a healthy Ben Bishop might ease things up for Tampa, Vasilevskiy, and the Gryphons (who incidentally own Bishop too).
Guelph has been scoring. Even after some of the core players fuelling the early-season run have cooled off mightily, Guelph has put up the numbers. However, the fantasy points now seem to come in bunches, preventing the squad from stringing together wins. The lowly Mars Martians — who have posted a dismal winning percentage of 27% — are just one game back from Guelph and the final playoff spot. Yikes. There's that league disparity I mentioned. I'll continue to mention it until you guys get your asses into gear.
Next week is the second half of a two-game road trip through hell, as the Gryphons head over to Hamilton. Seriously though, two away games in a row against GR and HAM? Who the goddamn hell decided that was a good idea?
#3 • HALIFAX VOYAGEURS • 6-5
Hey, buddy. Congrats on being over .500 again. Can ya fucking keep it there for once?
The Voys fought hard and earned a blue-collar win against a team anxious to leapfrog into the postseason dance (lol you mean Mars?).
The question now remains, can they beat Grand Rapids? They came close in the second matchup between the two (the one that saw Halifax lead in scoring for much of the week, up until the GR offensive explosion on the final day) but failed to put up a good effort in the Week Three contest. They'll get two more shots at the league leaders very soon... but not yet.
The unlikeliest of heroes: that would be Jonathan Drouin (29.3 FPTS), tallying 3 goals and 2 assists through the first two games this week. Unsurprisingly, Drouin was followed by the Columbus duo of Mike Foligno (25.5 FPTS) and Cam Atkinson (23.2 FPTS), the two Sharks Joe Pavelski (23.2 FPTS) and Brent Burns (17 FPTS), and Connor McJesus Christ (16.4 FPTS), our Lord and Saviour.
It was on this day (I'm writing this on Christmas day) that He was born, or something like that, so then let us celebrate on this day all He hath done so far in His first full-length (hopefully) season, the holiest season of the career, in which He hath risen from the dead a team that has been oppressed by the playoff teams. Risen from the dead, and given new life, was this team called Halifax, and they are forever indebted to Him, since He previously missed the playoffs in His rookie season due to the sins of his original owner (bad trading).
I like McDavid. I think he's a good player. Is that so wrong?
Next week is the first of a two-game road trip for Halifax. They'll face North Korea in search of their 7th win on the season.
Edit: I realize now that McDavid did actually make the playoffs last year, but I honestly don't care. He suffered from somebody's sins, okay?
#2 • HAMILTON HUSKIES • 8-3
BREAKING: owner Adam Sharvit has been offered a promotion to a managerial position in the franchise. How exactly that is a promotion is quite confusing, but what I'd really like to know is who holds authority over the owner such that he could promote said owner in the first place.
Now that the jokes are over... the hockey.
An incredulous finish to a fantastic week, Hamilton managed to just top 300 fantasy points, and was the only team to do so. Not content with just a win, they nearly lapped their opponent. They won this matchup by 99.2 freaking fantasy points! C'mon... they basically lapped NK.
Jeff Carter went on a scoring spree, leading the way with 5 goals, 27.7 fantasy points, and not a significant trace of any other statistic. Evgeni Malkin was good for 4 apples this week to go with a lone goal and a +3. Sidney Crosby (22.9 FPTS), Justin Schultz (22.6), and Patric Hornqvist (18.4 FPTS) rounded out the rest of the team's weekly leaderboard. Yeah... that's not dependent at all on one specific team.
Goaltending continues to be minorly positive; by that, I mean to say that they've been putting wins in the column at a good rate, but they aren't contributing a whole lot to the team on the whole. Is this due to poor goalie deployment by coach Jerry Krotz? Or is something bigger going on here?
I guess we'll find out next week, as the Sharvit Squad will defend home ice against Guelph for the second of a three-game homestand. With the season halfway through, it's sink or swim time.
#1 • GRAND RAPIDS GOATS • 10-1
Look, I'm sorry guys. But if you want to be first, you have to win ten games in a row.
Seriously, what the hell? Stop it.
As owner Adam Stier begins this week on a conference trip with old YGFHL acquaintance Vimal Sivakumar in Montréal, Grand Rapids continues to pound away at the opposition, the overall standings, and any attempt I've ever made at a balanced league.
So far, the only team to defeat Les Purples is Hamilton, which they did all the way back in Week One. Yeah. There was a time when this team had more losses than wins. The two faced again in Week Six, and it was a close one — the Goats squeaked out the 9.5 point victory — but you have to wonder if the surging Huskies could end up winning the three-game season series (they'll have one more shot after the next two weeks).
Bench boss Cole Tannenville flaunted his squad's superb goaltending (combined 52.7 FPTS)... which was, oddly enough, the one thing I highlighted as "needs improvement" for the opposing Gryphons. In fact, if you crunch the numbers, the 'tenders quite literally won the matchup for Grand Rapids. Tannenville also heaped major praise upon his defensive corps, namely Torey Krug (23.8 FPTS), Jake Gardiner (21.2 FPTS), Oliver Ekman-Larsson (14.9 FPTS), and Ryan Suter (14.8 FPTS).
For what it's worth, there have been plenty of letdowns for the Goats this season — most blatantly obvious example is Tyler Johnson — but GM Rob Surrey has done a good job to clear these underperformers from the roster (ie. Bergeron, Schwartz, Gallagher, Kunitz, Palat).
Anyways, don't rush your break. You're only facing Mars. Take it easy, and Merry Christm... *is strangled to death*.
Universal Reason for Hope: I actually did the Power Rankings. I guess it truly is a Christmas mirac... *is strangled to death*.
The template is more or less the same as before. Lowest teams are listed first. Rank, team name, and record are listed, followed by the weekly report for that team. Omitted will be MVP, LVP, and Reason for hope (I know, that was the best part, I'm sorry guys). To make it up this time, I'll throw in something special at the end. Anyways, enjoy!
These boards will be used for the weekly power rankings. I thought it would be nice to suggest how this league appears to shape up ahead of this upcoming season. I will be posting the weekly power rankings in one part each week. There will be no bottom half first part, also known as the glass half full half, nor the MC Hammer second portion (Too Legit too Quit). If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways. For the 2016-17 season, I'll be doing the rankings in reverse. I'm not sure if it's supposed to build suspension, or just because writers tend to save the best for last, but I'm going to follow suit. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#T5 • NORTH KOREA KOMODOS • 2-9
T5? Really?
Yeah, I honestly couldn't pick.
I return just in time as everyone finishes their break and gets on the road again, but if you're North Korean, it might not be something to look forward to (well, if you're North Korean, there isn't much of anything to look forward to).
Injuries to Jake Allen, PK Subban, Max Domi, and Mika Zibanejad hurt the team, but leaving a healthy Mike Hoffman and especially Bobby Ryan on the IR also doesn't help the Dictators' chances. Ryan assisted a goal in his return, then busted out a point streak of 5 consecutive games, notching 4 goals and 2 assists in the process, all the while tallying 30.4 fantasy points. Alternatively, Hoffman has a goal through two games since emerging from the reserve (that's 4.4 fantasy points per game).
I'm not going to even begin to comment on this week's performance by the Komodos. I don't care that it was such a mismatch (the opposing Huskies won the week in scoring). That was pure atrocity.
Admittedly, this is a fantastic roster hiding behind an incompetent owner... and there are rumours that coach Blake Mabcock may be on the way out (lol as if). We've seen this team perform well; North Korea has been a top-half scorer plenty of times, and they did manage a win each against Mars and Guelph (although, judging by the overall standings, that isn't saying too much).
Still, with hot hands like Auston Matthews and Erik Karlsson aboard, and a returning-to-form Justin Faulk, the Komodos are more than capable from stealing a win from a top team fighting to make the playoffs.
As for them making the postseason... it'll be difficult, but there's enough disparity in the league that literally anyone has more than a reasonable chance at it. Yeah, don't worry guys. Even though that happens every year, and it's a major problem that nobody else other than me ever tries to fix, it's fine. Give all your good players to Sharvit, who then gives them to Stier, and continue this trainwreck that we call "dynasty franchises". Why would we want it any other way?
#T5 • MARS MARTIANS • 3-8
Even without being the worst, I've still managed to rank you last. Yet you still fail to take a hint and improve your team.
All right, all right. I'll admit, you kept up all week long, and for a moment on Friday it seemed as though you might have made a mid-day comeback against rival (lol) Halifax Voyageurs. Alas, 'twas not to be on the night before Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve Eve.
Reports out of nearby Pittsburgh (cause who the fuck actually lives in Mars, Pennsylvania) claim that owner Isaac Reich is out of commission after surgery to the lower face. One source mentioned that Reich "looks like a chipmunk." This was confirmed by Reich himself through the social media Snapchat.
This marks the second low-scoring, close matchup against Halifax that resulted in a Martians loss; the first one being Mars' home opener, this one on the road in Nova Scotia.
Some impressive out-of-nowhere performances by Eric Staal (16.5 FPTS), Leon Draisaitl (17.3 FPTS), and Sam Gagner (15.4 FPTS) helped keep this affair close all week long. The trio have been criticized by media and fans alike as being "over-the-hill, overhyped, and... well honestly, I kinda like Gagner." Continued dominance by the top-ranked goalie Devan Dubnyk (30.3 FPTS) didn't hurt either. Taking a 0.1 lead into the "final day" (because apparently Christmas is so important... I mean, what the fuck happened to good Jewish values?), things looked good for the Ms, before it all fell apart. Despite putting up a respectable 62.5 score on Christmas Eve Eve, Mars received another marker in the L column.
The Martians will host the scorching-hot Goats next week, and all 1,658 residents of Mars will tune in for that one.
Yes. All 1,658 of them.
#4 • GUELPH GRYPHONS • 4-7
Let's not get penisy.
Okay, since I really doubt anyone gets my reference, I'm going to pause this Chanukah Edition Power Rankings to explain.
In Star Wars Episode IV, after Obi-Wan Kenobi dies and they escape from the Death Star, some TIE Fighter jets attack them. Luke Skywalker manages to hit one, and he yells out "I got one!" Han Solo responds, "Great, kid! Don't get cocky."
Now, I don't know if you know, but Seth MacFarlane redid IV, V, and VI through his show Family Guy, recasting the parts with the show's characters. This is the reference (comes at around 1:30 into the clip), although I highly recommend you watch the whole episode before I move on to some other short-term obsession.
So, yeah. Don't get penisy.
Much like Mars, the Gryphons fell victim to Christmas Eve Eve. After trading leads with host Grand Rapids countless times throughout the week, the difference in score was 23.3, a reasonable, but definite finish in the loss to the league's response to the real-life Columbus Blue Jackets.
Coach Souvien appears content to ride the hot hand that is Alex Wennberg (16 FPTS), while also relying on top scorers Charlie Coyle (30.7 FPTS) and Victor Hedman (25.9 FPTS). Goaltending continues to be an issue as Tuuka Rask, Antti Raanta, Andrei Vasilevskiy, and Connor Hellebucyk tumble on with frustrating inconsistency. "Vasy" has played as well as one could possibly play amid an injury-stricken, underachieving season for the Tampa Bay Lightning, although a healthy Ben Bishop might ease things up for Tampa, Vasilevskiy, and the Gryphons (who incidentally own Bishop too).
Guelph has been scoring. Even after some of the core players fuelling the early-season run have cooled off mightily, Guelph has put up the numbers. However, the fantasy points now seem to come in bunches, preventing the squad from stringing together wins. The lowly Mars Martians — who have posted a dismal winning percentage of 27% — are just one game back from Guelph and the final playoff spot. Yikes. There's that league disparity I mentioned. I'll continue to mention it until you guys get your asses into gear.
Next week is the second half of a two-game road trip through hell, as the Gryphons head over to Hamilton. Seriously though, two away games in a row against GR and HAM? Who the goddamn hell decided that was a good idea?
#3 • HALIFAX VOYAGEURS • 6-5
Hey, buddy. Congrats on being over .500 again. Can ya fucking keep it there for once?
The Voys fought hard and earned a blue-collar win against a team anxious to leapfrog into the postseason dance (lol you mean Mars?).
The question now remains, can they beat Grand Rapids? They came close in the second matchup between the two (the one that saw Halifax lead in scoring for much of the week, up until the GR offensive explosion on the final day) but failed to put up a good effort in the Week Three contest. They'll get two more shots at the league leaders very soon... but not yet.
The unlikeliest of heroes: that would be Jonathan Drouin (29.3 FPTS), tallying 3 goals and 2 assists through the first two games this week. Unsurprisingly, Drouin was followed by the Columbus duo of Mike Foligno (25.5 FPTS) and Cam Atkinson (23.2 FPTS), the two Sharks Joe Pavelski (23.2 FPTS) and Brent Burns (17 FPTS), and Connor McJesus Christ (16.4 FPTS), our Lord and Saviour.
It was on this day (I'm writing this on Christmas day) that He was born, or something like that, so then let us celebrate on this day all He hath done so far in His first full-length (hopefully) season, the holiest season of the career, in which He hath risen from the dead a team that has been oppressed by the playoff teams. Risen from the dead, and given new life, was this team called Halifax, and they are forever indebted to Him, since He previously missed the playoffs in His rookie season due to the sins of his original owner (bad trading).
I like McDavid. I think he's a good player. Is that so wrong?
Next week is the first of a two-game road trip for Halifax. They'll face North Korea in search of their 7th win on the season.
Edit: I realize now that McDavid did actually make the playoffs last year, but I honestly don't care. He suffered from somebody's sins, okay?
#2 • HAMILTON HUSKIES • 8-3
BREAKING: owner Adam Sharvit has been offered a promotion to a managerial position in the franchise. How exactly that is a promotion is quite confusing, but what I'd really like to know is who holds authority over the owner such that he could promote said owner in the first place.
Now that the jokes are over... the hockey.
An incredulous finish to a fantastic week, Hamilton managed to just top 300 fantasy points, and was the only team to do so. Not content with just a win, they nearly lapped their opponent. They won this matchup by 99.2 freaking fantasy points! C'mon... they basically lapped NK.
Jeff Carter went on a scoring spree, leading the way with 5 goals, 27.7 fantasy points, and not a significant trace of any other statistic. Evgeni Malkin was good for 4 apples this week to go with a lone goal and a +3. Sidney Crosby (22.9 FPTS), Justin Schultz (22.6), and Patric Hornqvist (18.4 FPTS) rounded out the rest of the team's weekly leaderboard. Yeah... that's not dependent at all on one specific team.
Goaltending continues to be minorly positive; by that, I mean to say that they've been putting wins in the column at a good rate, but they aren't contributing a whole lot to the team on the whole. Is this due to poor goalie deployment by coach Jerry Krotz? Or is something bigger going on here?
I guess we'll find out next week, as the Sharvit Squad will defend home ice against Guelph for the second of a three-game homestand. With the season halfway through, it's sink or swim time.
#1 • GRAND RAPIDS GOATS • 10-1
Look, I'm sorry guys. But if you want to be first, you have to win ten games in a row.
Seriously, what the hell? Stop it.
As owner Adam Stier begins this week on a conference trip with old YGFHL acquaintance Vimal Sivakumar in Montréal, Grand Rapids continues to pound away at the opposition, the overall standings, and any attempt I've ever made at a balanced league.
So far, the only team to defeat Les Purples is Hamilton, which they did all the way back in Week One. Yeah. There was a time when this team had more losses than wins. The two faced again in Week Six, and it was a close one — the Goats squeaked out the 9.5 point victory — but you have to wonder if the surging Huskies could end up winning the three-game season series (they'll have one more shot after the next two weeks).
Bench boss Cole Tannenville flaunted his squad's superb goaltending (combined 52.7 FPTS)... which was, oddly enough, the one thing I highlighted as "needs improvement" for the opposing Gryphons. In fact, if you crunch the numbers, the 'tenders quite literally won the matchup for Grand Rapids. Tannenville also heaped major praise upon his defensive corps, namely Torey Krug (23.8 FPTS), Jake Gardiner (21.2 FPTS), Oliver Ekman-Larsson (14.9 FPTS), and Ryan Suter (14.8 FPTS).
For what it's worth, there have been plenty of letdowns for the Goats this season — most blatantly obvious example is Tyler Johnson — but GM Rob Surrey has done a good job to clear these underperformers from the roster (ie. Bergeron, Schwartz, Gallagher, Kunitz, Palat).
Anyways, don't rush your break. You're only facing Mars. Take it easy, and Merry Christm... *is strangled to death*.
Universal Reason for Hope: I actually did the Power Rankings. I guess it truly is a Christmas mirac... *is strangled to death*.