Post by GoVoysGo on Dec 28, 2015 13:10:41 GMT -5
TFSN Special: Ronel Drops Three Bombs in Presser
TFHN - Matt Harkin, Dec. 28
Longview, OR • Last night, Portland Juggernauts owner Daniel Ronel scheduled an exclusive noontime press conference to announce three major pieces of news. And major is putting it lightly.
1 • YGFBA Ventures?
Not content with just a YGFHL team, Ronel has announced interest in purchasing a basketball team. He mentions that he contacted Wesley R. Edens and Marc Lasry — co-owners of the National Basketball Association's Milwaukee Bucks — and Paul Allen — owner of the NBA's Portland Trail Blazers — regarding purchasing either team.
"Hockey was always my favourite sport, but something about living in the only Canadian team in a sport spurned a love for basketball. You could make the same point about baseball, but nobody cares about baseball."
One can only imagine Ronel would like to keep his basketball team in the same city as his hockey team — and one of those two teams already is — and intends to move the team to the Younger Gunz Fantasy Basketball Association.
Both Lasry and Allen have publicly stated that neither team is interested in selling, but we also know that Ronel is very aggressive with his money when he wants something.
2 • Bye Bye Nolan... and Then Some
As widely expected, Ronel announced that he has terminated the contract of head coach Ed Nolan. Nolan, who led the Jugs to a 3-8 record and has lost five games in a row, was midway through the second year of his four-year deal. There is no reason to believe GM James McEnroy did not impact this decision, as Nolan was Ronel's and former GM Bryan Dirks' signing. For weeks, the indigenous bench boss had been on the hot seat, and it appears losing to North Korea a second time was the final straw. Frankly, everyone saw it coming.
But nobody was prepared when Ronel announced that both assistant coaches, Stan Dialsma and Saul McBain, were also fired.
Dialsma has been with the team since their San Diego days, coming on as an assistant coach in the YGFHL's inaugural season. He's been mostly praised by experts, but perhaps a change was needed. The big shock is McBain. "Bug-Eyed Manatee" was hired just before the start of this season, and it was assumed that he would take over the starting job from Nolan. He found much success in the rival hockey league, World Fantasy Hockey Association, leading the Ottawa Members Of Parliament to three championships and eight playoff berths in his ten seasons behind the bench.
Ronel mentioned that McEnroy would announce later in the week who would take over the bench; in the meantime, Ronel is handling the practice and looks to fill in as the coach. That's DISASTER, with a capital "DISASTER".
McEnroy is good friends with former San Diego Spartans forward Jeremy Groanick — who is currently coaching the junior team Barrie Coats of the Ontario Fantasy Hockey League — but it appears Groanick does not wish to leave Barrie, especially midseason. Ronel's first — and longest lasting — coach, Rod McLemon, has expressed interest in returning to the franchise, but it does not look like anybody else wants him back.
Former Red Deer coach Ben Mitchflock is the frontrunner for any coaching job, but McEnroy has contacted Bruce Trudeau (former Scarborough Hyenas coach), Dallas Peekin (current assistant coach for the Grand Rapids Goats), and Gabe Pippet (current Arizona Phoenix coach of the WFHA).
Other names swirling around are Sean Trooper (former Milwaukee Blizzard coach), Adam Boats (former New Jersey Angels coach of the WFHA), Darren Stutter (former Grand Rapids Goats coach), Pat DeBlur (current Houston Scorpions coach of the WFHA), Misha Therrienov (former coach of the Montreal Frenchturds and Quebec Nordicks of the WFHA), and Maurice Paul (current coach of the WFHA's Winnipeg Middle-of-Nowheres).
3 • But None of That Matters Because They're Moving To Green Bay
No, not in the near future. No, not for the 2016-17 YGFHL season. Right f---ing now. In the middle of the season.
Ronel truly has gone above and beyond this time. His idiocy apparently extends further than anybody knew. Perhaps I'm biting the hand that feeds me, but when you perform such stupidity, you deserve everything that's coming.
Resch Center is being renovated to double it's capacity to about twenty thousand, so the move won't be complete for another week, which is fine because Portland — I mean, Green Bay — is about to set off on the second leg of their two-game road trip. Tonight, they play host to the league-leading Grand Rapids Goats.
Ronel has posted a fan vote for the team name, with ten new entries along with the incumbent "Juggernauts". The poll will end at 5:00 PM, before the first match for the new team.
Let the fun begin. ∆