Post by GoVoysGo on Dec 3, 2015 1:08:15 GMT -5
These boards will be used for the weekly power rankings. I thought it would be nice to suggest how this league appears to shape up ahead of this upcoming season. I will be posting the weekly power rankings in one part each week. There will be no bottom half first part, also known as the glass half full half, nor the MC Hammer second portion (Too Legit too Quit). If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
Throughout the season, I will the number rank a colour based on how the team is trending: green (trending up), red (trending down, like my math marks over the years), and gray (consistent... or you simply can't become more extreme, either first or worst). THE RANK ITSELF IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF THIS.
Along with a weekly Most Valuable Player, there will be a Least Valuable Player included for each team as well, from now on. Like the MVP, the LVP isn't simply the most/least fantasy points achieved on the week. If a depth player performs near the top of the team, then they may be awarded the MVP; likewise, if a superstar has an off week, they may end up being the team donkey. It is almost entirely subjective, but within reason. I may target a player for being clutch (or not being clutch) in a close matchup towards the end of the week. If your favourite player isn't picked, go tell Ron Wilson, and he'll tell you about how inconsistent they are. I don't want to hear it.
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#1 (2) GRAND RAPIDS GOATS • 7-1
Owner Adam Stier has officially purchased the rights to Saturday. He already owns the weekend day anyways.
Another solid week from the team on top.
The Goats dispatched the San Antonio Storm 333.6-317, taking the YGFHL in a stranglehold and doing it with flair. Stier, sir, you now have permission to belittle any and all other teams. Clearly you are better than them.
Yet, the funny thing is, there is absolutely no reason Grand Rapids should be doing so well. Matt Duchene, Daniel and Henrik Sedin, Gabriel Landeskog, Jeff Carter, and Patrick Kane will not keep this up. Beware. You heard it here first. And you should know that my predictions are spot on. #proline
Next week, the Gryphons are coming to town. Good luck, sir.
MVP: Gabriel Landeskog • 2 G • 4 A • 2 +/- • 32.4 FPTS
LVP: Nikita Kucherov • 0 PTS • 1.6 FPTS
Reason for hope: I'm putting the Guelph-GR game on my next Pro•Line ticket, and predicting an H+. I dunno what that specifically denotes but it means the Goats will destroy their opponents.
#2 (5) HAMILTON HUSKIES • 5-3
Oh, how the un-mighty have risen.
Or something along those lines.
Hamilton owner Adam Sharvit and general manager Jon Baloney are once again looking smugly down upon the league standings, as well as my Week 0 and Week 1 Power Rankings. And rightly so. Like my high school Westmount Collegiate Institute, this team is the bomb!
Too soon?
Moving on. This week was all about proving themselves to be a contender year in and year out, and not letting anyone forget it, scoring more points than anyone and notching this week’s Art Ross trophy.
Sitting at a healthy .625 win percentage, Baloney has pretty much sat back and watched head coach Jerry Krotz do his thing. “Things are definitely looking up for our squad after a bit of a bumpy road led us here,” Baloney told us. “I’ve got a lot of confidence in Jerry, and we all want to win the silverware again this year.”
We asked Sharvit twenty-one questions at his interview, and he got 86% of them right, although it looked like he may have just been guessing for six of them.
Claude Giroux and Jakub Voracek finally realized they were no longer with the Juggernauts, and thus realized they could start putting up big numbers in points. Will they continue this production? We shall see.
Next week might look like the Huskies are a heavy favourite to win, as they host the sliding Jugs — far removed from their 1-0 record — but word on the street is that the team’s highly incompetent owner might actually update this week. Stay on your toes.
MVP: Claude Giroux • 2 G • 4 A • 4 PPP • +19 FACEOFF DIFF • 32.2 FPTS
LVP: Devan Dubnyk • 2 GS • 2 L • 6 GA • .895 SV% • -1.3 FPTS
Reason for hope: With you logging so much extra time in at work, you could practically buy the championship at this point.
#3 (4) GUELPH GRYPHONS • 4-4
Wait, so this isn’t the same Guelph Gryphons?
Unbelievably enough, the Gryphons relocated to San Antonio, where they became the Storm, and then-Austin Bruins owner Ryan Balter jumped at the chance to move his team to Guelph, taking on the same name as the town’s previous team.
Anywho.
The Quidditch Crew took on the Sharvit Squad in a matchup that looks a lot closer than it actually was. The Gryphons spent the second half of the week playing catch-up, after falling back 212.4-129.4 prior to the midway league-wide day off.
The nagging collarbone injury that Connor McDavid has carried since the early stages of the season continue to hang over a Guelph team looking for a boost of energy not coming from a player from the real-life Boston Bruins.
All in all, you can’t really blame the Gryphons for struggling to keep up with the league, as they carry four injuries: aforementioned McDavid (collarbone), Brendan Gallagher (two fingers), Ondrej Palat (lower body, presumably ankle), and Balter (concussion). As the injury bug has been going around the league recently, few teams were hit as hard as Guelph, and it has been difficult for GM Ron Heaney to find quick replacement signings to compensate.
The team’s “Tour de League” five-game road trip comes to a close next week, where they play guest to the league-leading Grand Rapids.
MVP: Alex Galchenyuk • 4 G • 1 A • 5 +/- • 2 PPP • 28.8 FPTS
LVP: Teuvo Teravainen • 0 PTS • -1 +/- • -0.7 FPTS
Reason for hope: After exams are done, you can focus on rehabbing from your concussion and spend more time on your fantasy team. Maybe then you might be over .500, asshole.
#4 (1) PORTLAND JUGGERNAUTS • 3-5
It looks like owner Daniel Ronel stayed up too late watching House of Lies on Netflix and slept through the last four weeks.
I mean, when you score 227.7 points and bench 148.6 points, falling to the de facto worst team in the YGFHL in the North Korea Komodos, you know you need to get your fucking shit together. The Jugs came dangerously close to the record lowest matchup score (197.3) this week, yet a fully updated lineup would have scored 376.3 and earned the squad their second Art Ross of the season.
Even a Mikkel Boedker hatty couldn’t overcome your apathy. I mean, for fuck’s sake, a goddamn hat trick was wasted here. At least he was in the lineup for that game.
As a result, Ed Nolan is back on the hot seat, despite his team only sitting one game out of a playoff spot. Should he be fired, recently hired assistant coach Saul McBain looks to be the frontrunner for the job, at least on an interim basis.
I spoke with Ronel, who explained, “Fuck off, man. I have a lot of shit going on right now. You don’t know my life. You don’t know what temperature milk I eat my cereal with.” He then delved into an excessive rant regarding the meaning of life, which understandably I have left out, but you can find here if you wish, along with the rest of that interview.
Portland will begin a short tour of Ontario, first heading off to the FirstOntario Centre to square off against the Hamilton Huskies. Sources suggest that the team will begin addressing its issues and stop being lazy, so expect a good matchup.
MVP: Mikkel Boedker • 3 G • 1 A • 1 PPP • 1 GWG • 1 HAT TRICK • 35.3 FPTS
LVP: Filip Forsberg • 0 PTS • -1 +/- • 0.6 FPTS
Reason for hope: You’ve finally decided to put your education, music career, and other responsibilities on hold to focus on your YGFHL career.
#5 (3) SAN ANTONIO STORM • 4-4
Somebody ain’t gonna like their ranking. And that’s why I’m here to tell you, “Shut the fuck up, Doug.”
Or... umm, Isaac.
The Storm’s regulars — ie. Benn, Ovechkin, Klingberg, Seabrook, Keith, Sharp — were at it again, all nearing or surpassing 20 fantasy points. Yet, as has been the story of the season, lack of depth proved fatal for the squad.
A nice surprise performance from Tomas Plekanec is not something you should come to expect. The likes of Abdelkader, Monahan, Bjugstad, Nugent-Hopkins, Williams, Eberle, and Duclair are not compensatory for proper depth. In fact, just under half of the above eight players are Juggernauts rejects.
Mr. Isaac Reich, let this loss to the top seeded and top ranked Grand Rapids Goats be a cautionary tale. Trading Ovechkin down was the right move, but you need to get more for him. Depth is key. The star players will have off nights. You need to have players that are willing to knock in a few points at those times. Maybe not superstar quality, but 10-15 points on the week.
And stop smoking weed. It isn’t going to win you any matchups.
Next week is all about getting your shit together, as you fly to North Korea and try for what should be an easy win.
MVP: It has to be Jamie Benn • 4 G • 2 A • 1 PPP • 16 SOG • 39.4 FPTS
LVP: Shea Weber • 0 PTS • -3 +/- • 1.2 FPTS
Reason for hope: You still face the Portland Juggernauts four more times, three of them coming in the final stretch of the regular season. That kid is bound to fuck up between now and then.
#6 (6) NORTH KOREA KOMODOS • 1-7
I’m sorry man. Your team is to hockey what Drake is to dance. And, well, music, for that matter.
Your team is to hockey what Jonathan Bernier is to the Leafs. And, well, hockey, for that matter.
Yes, you actually finally won a game, but that’s got to be the most unsatisfying first win in the history of first wins of a season. When you beat a regularly-updated lineup, let me know. The snow might be gone by then (if it even ever fucking snows, Jesus Christ).
But, yeah. The K’s picked up the all-important W against the Jugs in a very low-scoring game, ranking fifth (second-last) in scoring on the week. The Anaheim duo of Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry have figured out how to play hockey again, so that will help a Komodos team in desperate need of some decent hockey.
Yes, I’m laying it on owner Evan Presement very thick right now, throwing out a whole world of hurt, but I don’t know him personally and therefore don’t know what I could use to insult him.
North Korea will lose next week. Well, they should lose next week, considering they’re playing an actual team (at least, one that updates). But the thing with their opponent — the San Antonio Storm — is, you never know. They’re like the Toronto Maple Leafs of the YGFHL.
MVP: Ryan Getzlaf • 6 A • 3 PPP • +9 FACEOFF DIFF • 11 HITS • 32.9 FPTS
LVP: Wayne Simmonds • 0 PTS • -2 +/- • -2.9 FPTS
Reason for hope: Oh, oh, oh, okay I found something… HA HA HA YOU FUCKING WORK AT STAPLES WHAT A LOSER HA okay I give up. Fuck this.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
Throughout the season, I will the number rank a colour based on how the team is trending: green (trending up), red (trending down, like my math marks over the years), and gray (consistent... or you simply can't become more extreme, either first or worst). THE RANK ITSELF IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF THIS.
Along with a weekly Most Valuable Player, there will be a Least Valuable Player included for each team as well, from now on. Like the MVP, the LVP isn't simply the most/least fantasy points achieved on the week. If a depth player performs near the top of the team, then they may be awarded the MVP; likewise, if a superstar has an off week, they may end up being the team donkey. It is almost entirely subjective, but within reason. I may target a player for being clutch (or not being clutch) in a close matchup towards the end of the week. If your favourite player isn't picked, go tell Ron Wilson, and he'll tell you about how inconsistent they are. I don't want to hear it.
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#1 (2) GRAND RAPIDS GOATS • 7-1
Owner Adam Stier has officially purchased the rights to Saturday. He already owns the weekend day anyways.
Another solid week from the team on top.
The Goats dispatched the San Antonio Storm 333.6-317, taking the YGFHL in a stranglehold and doing it with flair. Stier, sir, you now have permission to belittle any and all other teams. Clearly you are better than them.
Yet, the funny thing is, there is absolutely no reason Grand Rapids should be doing so well. Matt Duchene, Daniel and Henrik Sedin, Gabriel Landeskog, Jeff Carter, and Patrick Kane will not keep this up. Beware. You heard it here first. And you should know that my predictions are spot on. #proline
Next week, the Gryphons are coming to town. Good luck, sir.
MVP: Gabriel Landeskog • 2 G • 4 A • 2 +/- • 32.4 FPTS
LVP: Nikita Kucherov • 0 PTS • 1.6 FPTS
Reason for hope: I'm putting the Guelph-GR game on my next Pro•Line ticket, and predicting an H+. I dunno what that specifically denotes but it means the Goats will destroy their opponents.
#2 (5) HAMILTON HUSKIES • 5-3
Oh, how the un-mighty have risen.
Or something along those lines.
Hamilton owner Adam Sharvit and general manager Jon Baloney are once again looking smugly down upon the league standings, as well as my Week 0 and Week 1 Power Rankings. And rightly so. Like my high school Westmount Collegiate Institute, this team is the bomb!
Too soon?
Moving on. This week was all about proving themselves to be a contender year in and year out, and not letting anyone forget it, scoring more points than anyone and notching this week’s Art Ross trophy.
Sitting at a healthy .625 win percentage, Baloney has pretty much sat back and watched head coach Jerry Krotz do his thing. “Things are definitely looking up for our squad after a bit of a bumpy road led us here,” Baloney told us. “I’ve got a lot of confidence in Jerry, and we all want to win the silverware again this year.”
We asked Sharvit twenty-one questions at his interview, and he got 86% of them right, although it looked like he may have just been guessing for six of them.
Claude Giroux and Jakub Voracek finally realized they were no longer with the Juggernauts, and thus realized they could start putting up big numbers in points. Will they continue this production? We shall see.
Next week might look like the Huskies are a heavy favourite to win, as they host the sliding Jugs — far removed from their 1-0 record — but word on the street is that the team’s highly incompetent owner might actually update this week. Stay on your toes.
MVP: Claude Giroux • 2 G • 4 A • 4 PPP • +19 FACEOFF DIFF • 32.2 FPTS
LVP: Devan Dubnyk • 2 GS • 2 L • 6 GA • .895 SV% • -1.3 FPTS
Reason for hope: With you logging so much extra time in at work, you could practically buy the championship at this point.
#3 (4) GUELPH GRYPHONS • 4-4
Wait, so this isn’t the same Guelph Gryphons?
Unbelievably enough, the Gryphons relocated to San Antonio, where they became the Storm, and then-Austin Bruins owner Ryan Balter jumped at the chance to move his team to Guelph, taking on the same name as the town’s previous team.
Anywho.
The Quidditch Crew took on the Sharvit Squad in a matchup that looks a lot closer than it actually was. The Gryphons spent the second half of the week playing catch-up, after falling back 212.4-129.4 prior to the midway league-wide day off.
The nagging collarbone injury that Connor McDavid has carried since the early stages of the season continue to hang over a Guelph team looking for a boost of energy not coming from a player from the real-life Boston Bruins.
All in all, you can’t really blame the Gryphons for struggling to keep up with the league, as they carry four injuries: aforementioned McDavid (collarbone), Brendan Gallagher (two fingers), Ondrej Palat (lower body, presumably ankle), and Balter (concussion). As the injury bug has been going around the league recently, few teams were hit as hard as Guelph, and it has been difficult for GM Ron Heaney to find quick replacement signings to compensate.
The team’s “Tour de League” five-game road trip comes to a close next week, where they play guest to the league-leading Grand Rapids.
MVP: Alex Galchenyuk • 4 G • 1 A • 5 +/- • 2 PPP • 28.8 FPTS
LVP: Teuvo Teravainen • 0 PTS • -1 +/- • -0.7 FPTS
Reason for hope: After exams are done, you can focus on rehabbing from your concussion and spend more time on your fantasy team. Maybe then you might be over .500, asshole.
#4 (1) PORTLAND JUGGERNAUTS • 3-5
It looks like owner Daniel Ronel stayed up too late watching House of Lies on Netflix and slept through the last four weeks.
I mean, when you score 227.7 points and bench 148.6 points, falling to the de facto worst team in the YGFHL in the North Korea Komodos, you know you need to get your fucking shit together. The Jugs came dangerously close to the record lowest matchup score (197.3) this week, yet a fully updated lineup would have scored 376.3 and earned the squad their second Art Ross of the season.
Even a Mikkel Boedker hatty couldn’t overcome your apathy. I mean, for fuck’s sake, a goddamn hat trick was wasted here. At least he was in the lineup for that game.
As a result, Ed Nolan is back on the hot seat, despite his team only sitting one game out of a playoff spot. Should he be fired, recently hired assistant coach Saul McBain looks to be the frontrunner for the job, at least on an interim basis.
I spoke with Ronel, who explained, “Fuck off, man. I have a lot of shit going on right now. You don’t know my life. You don’t know what temperature milk I eat my cereal with.” He then delved into an excessive rant regarding the meaning of life, which understandably I have left out, but you can find here if you wish, along with the rest of that interview.
Portland will begin a short tour of Ontario, first heading off to the FirstOntario Centre to square off against the Hamilton Huskies. Sources suggest that the team will begin addressing its issues and stop being lazy, so expect a good matchup.
MVP: Mikkel Boedker • 3 G • 1 A • 1 PPP • 1 GWG • 1 HAT TRICK • 35.3 FPTS
LVP: Filip Forsberg • 0 PTS • -1 +/- • 0.6 FPTS
Reason for hope: You’ve finally decided to put your education, music career, and other responsibilities on hold to focus on your YGFHL career.
#5 (3) SAN ANTONIO STORM • 4-4
Somebody ain’t gonna like their ranking. And that’s why I’m here to tell you, “Shut the fuck up, Doug.”
Or... umm, Isaac.
The Storm’s regulars — ie. Benn, Ovechkin, Klingberg, Seabrook, Keith, Sharp — were at it again, all nearing or surpassing 20 fantasy points. Yet, as has been the story of the season, lack of depth proved fatal for the squad.
A nice surprise performance from Tomas Plekanec is not something you should come to expect. The likes of Abdelkader, Monahan, Bjugstad, Nugent-Hopkins, Williams, Eberle, and Duclair are not compensatory for proper depth. In fact, just under half of the above eight players are Juggernauts rejects.
Mr. Isaac Reich, let this loss to the top seeded and top ranked Grand Rapids Goats be a cautionary tale. Trading Ovechkin down was the right move, but you need to get more for him. Depth is key. The star players will have off nights. You need to have players that are willing to knock in a few points at those times. Maybe not superstar quality, but 10-15 points on the week.
And stop smoking weed. It isn’t going to win you any matchups.
Next week is all about getting your shit together, as you fly to North Korea and try for what should be an easy win.
MVP: It has to be Jamie Benn • 4 G • 2 A • 1 PPP • 16 SOG • 39.4 FPTS
LVP: Shea Weber • 0 PTS • -3 +/- • 1.2 FPTS
Reason for hope: You still face the Portland Juggernauts four more times, three of them coming in the final stretch of the regular season. That kid is bound to fuck up between now and then.
#6 (6) NORTH KOREA KOMODOS • 1-7
I’m sorry man. Your team is to hockey what Drake is to dance. And, well, music, for that matter.
Your team is to hockey what Jonathan Bernier is to the Leafs. And, well, hockey, for that matter.
Yes, you actually finally won a game, but that’s got to be the most unsatisfying first win in the history of first wins of a season. When you beat a regularly-updated lineup, let me know. The snow might be gone by then (if it even ever fucking snows, Jesus Christ).
But, yeah. The K’s picked up the all-important W against the Jugs in a very low-scoring game, ranking fifth (second-last) in scoring on the week. The Anaheim duo of Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry have figured out how to play hockey again, so that will help a Komodos team in desperate need of some decent hockey.
Yes, I’m laying it on owner Evan Presement very thick right now, throwing out a whole world of hurt, but I don’t know him personally and therefore don’t know what I could use to insult him.
North Korea will lose next week. Well, they should lose next week, considering they’re playing an actual team (at least, one that updates). But the thing with their opponent — the San Antonio Storm — is, you never know. They’re like the Toronto Maple Leafs of the YGFHL.
MVP: Ryan Getzlaf • 6 A • 3 PPP • +9 FACEOFF DIFF • 11 HITS • 32.9 FPTS
LVP: Wayne Simmonds • 0 PTS • -2 +/- • -2.9 FPTS
Reason for hope: Oh, oh, oh, okay I found something… HA HA HA YOU FUCKING WORK AT STAPLES WHAT A LOSER HA okay I give up. Fuck this.