Post by GoVoysGo on Oct 11, 2018 19:30:21 GMT -5
8. Mars Martians (0-1)
Get ready for a long season, boy.
This is a team with the best keepers, and not only is it not even close, it might not be the same league. Some may point out that Mars and Grand Rapids will have some serious matchups down the road due to them being the top two teams in the keeper debate, but I don’t think it’s even a debate. This team has McEichel and THEN SOME.
The rest of the roster is so woefully insufficient that I’d consider calling for a rebuild already.
While my ranking algorithm tied Vegas and Hamilton for second-worst, the Martians were given such a low rating that it could be considered OUT. OF. THIS. WORLD.
First one, and I’m already making awful jokes. I’M BACK, BABY!
Mars was not only the lowest scorer, but for a while was almost sixty points clear of SEVENTH PLACE. That 8-Score (see my sabermetrics if you don’t know what that is) still ended up at twenty fantasy points. Not good.
Next up, Guelph! Unless a major move is made, don’t expect an upset here. Unless you’re owner/GM/coach Isaac Reich, in which case you may end up being very upset.
Reason for hope: Nobody will bash you for tanking two times in three years, especially when you’re gearing for a McEichel championship run. Well, Tory might bash you. Actually, I probably will too. In fact, let me make my plea right now to anyone reading this: BASH MARS EVERY CHANCE YOU GET.
7. Guelph Gryphons (0-1)
What is this team, ever?
Guelph looks poised to post another bubble season. The “Carolina Hurricanes of the YGFHL” have not looked like a contender since Ryan Balter purchased the team, missing the playoffs twice and slipping in as the final seed in 2016-17. Heading into year number four, not a lot seems to have changed.
To my dismay, the Gryphons did not want Charlie McAvoy, which was quite literally the ONLY reason I drafted him. Fuck.
Unsurprisingly, the Boston boys are leading the way. Absolutely nothing has changed from any other season ever. David Pastrnak and Brad Marchand are flying high with a ridiculous combined TWELVE POINTS. Max Domi, Nazem Kadri, and Kevin Hayes have overperformed, earning seven assists between them, but all three have yet to pot one themselves. In fact, outside of Pasta, this team has two goals. That’s gotta change. Also, stop hogging all the goalies. Grand Rapids needs some.
This marks the first time that Ryan Balter has not won his opening matchup. He starts the year with a losing record. We have entered new territory. In past years, he has seemed content to rest on his laurels, propelled by the high of a 1-0 record. Let’s see if he trusts his process or decides to completely overhaul in an effort to find an identity for his team. This season could end up posing as a HUGE crossroads for The Quidditch Crew, as they could realistically decide to compete or rebuild with a degree of success. Time does seem to be running out on a contention run, and if there is ever a year to do it, it seems as though this is the last one. Maybe the 0-1 start is a good kick in the ass to set the gears in motion. Or maybe it is a precursor of what will be a long, cold season.
Then again, next on the docket is Mars.
Reason for hope: There’s enough here to like that I can ignore what I hate. Pick a direction and stick to it.
6. Hamilton Huskies (1-0)
We are all going to look back at this as the moment Dan once again disrespected the championship winning team.
Seriously. Last year I put the Goats outside the top four, which ironically enough was the only year I can remember putting Hamilton in the top three. I bucked the trend, and you rewarded me with a first round exit. For some reason, I’ve decided to return to my disrespecting ways.
The reason is that your team isn’t good.
For the first time in YGFHL history, owner Adam Sharvit isn’t all that confident in his team. In a recent press conference, he himself admitted, “If there was ever a year where we’d miss the playoffs, it’s now.” And for the first time ever, I didn’t just put him down in the hopes that he’d miss. I genuinely don’t like the team.
For now, the Huskies start the season off on the right foot, thanks to impressive performances from the likes of Mikko Rantanen (traded), Jamie Benn (traded), and Mark Giordano (traded). This is either an interesting strategy of “selling high”, or a much less known strategy of “getting high”. Seriously, this is a team that needs to tank. Sharvit sees himself as something of a Detroit Red Wings. The glory days are in the past, and in a futile attempt to carry on his legacy he refuses to acknowledge that rebuilding is not just smart, but sometimes necessary. Alas, that is the epitome of Adam Sharvit. The man is so competitive that he will do just about anything to win. “Why settle for one championship over a two-year span when you can win both years?” Well, when you miss the playoffs and end up going three consecutive years without a championship (after winning the first three), you’re going to wish you went about it smarter.
Or, you’re going to win it again just to spite me. Probably that one.
Reason for hope: Someone somewhere is going to make an abominable trade (probably to Grand Rapids) and pave the way for you to sneak into the playoffs. And you haven’t benched a shutout in years, so that’s good too.
5. Las Vegas Vipers (1-0)
I couldn’t justify leaving TWO teams with winning records outside of the top five, though your roster begged me to.
Still, good win, and congrats on overperforming your way to second highest scorer of the half-week.
So, who did well? *squints* Seab Mongaham. Jomny Gaieladroux. Rhyne O’Ralley. Pattnick Margoau. Illllya Kov… too long. Morden Ryglee. Alex Ovechkin. Ebhagenny Kusemeksov. Klye Pamlineri. Sorry guys, I just got new prescription glasses. Apparently, I’m virtually blind in my left eye. Now… where did I put my glasses?
Owner Jeffler Gould has put out his yearly counter-rankings as a form of attempted disrespect to fellow owner Dan Ronel, who is employed by TFHN as a writer and YGFHL expert and has won numerous awards in his field (and is very well respected by YGFHL fans who aren’t owners). He put Halifax 6th and Hamilton 3rd. I think that says enough about that.
Mike Babsocks appears primed to return to another great year in Sin City, returning as the coach for a fifth consecutive season. He was the favourite to win Coach of the Year, and probably would have if we’d actually done the awards. Sorry, guys. I was going through some serious shit. Didn’t have the mental capacity.
It was widely expected that the team was looking for a new GM, but Monday morning it was announced that John Tortellini would be brought back on a one-year contract. Still, Gould has been hush-hush on the subject, and don’t be surprised if a sudden cold spell marks the end of Tort’s tenure with the team.
This week, the Vipers will face the Castrators (still loving that name). I’m curious as to how this one will go, being made up of my 6th ranked team and Jeff’s 8th (yeah, EIGHTH) ranked team. It could go either way, but Cambridge is going to win.
Reason for hope: You tend to be better at predicting than I am. Your rankings are whack, but then again so am I.
4. Cambridge Castrators (0-1)
I can’t tell if this team is good or not.
After the draft, this team was the polarizing centre of debate. There were some interesting picks, as well as a few flops, but overall this team should at least compete for a playoff spot. They ended up fourth in scoring, putting them in the same neighbourhood as the third and second highest scorers. Unfortunately, Grand Rapids caught fire and thrashed the C’s by 80 points. Geno Malkin, Wayne Simmonds, Sebastian Aho, Anze Kopitar, and Evander Kane stepped up in a big way, but some of the superstars were suspiciously silent. Castrators 2nd overall pick Rasmus Dahlin hasn’t picked up his first point yet. He’ll need to soon.
Owner/coach/GM/almighty dictator Derek Ford has recently been sniffing around the league for deals, showing that he’s ready to take this thing to the next level. They aren’t there yet, but clearly there was a need to be filled as Ford went out and acquired goaltender Cameron Talbot.
Cambridge looks to put up a tally in the win column with a MEATY performance against Las Vegas. This time, they’ve got PETA on their side.
Reason for hope: With the new logo, your reinvented colour scheme is a beauty.
3. Bangkok Behemoths (1-0)
I’m still not worried.
After a tremendous back and forth, in which it looked like perhaps Halifax had pulled away, October’s Very Own stormed back Sunday night, fuelled by a 7 goal Toronto Maple Leafs night. John Tavares earned a fedora that night, planting the puck past Cam Ward three times. That performance was enough to earn Bangkok their first victory of the season in as many matchups.
Since then, owner Tory Dick has received nonstop calls on Tavares. He has reiterated that nothing short of wild horses and a king’s ransom would move him to part ways with the superstar, who appears to be on the cusp of a career year, but you certainly can’t knock teams for shooting their shot (#2018).
Dick did make some waves this season, though. Both George McDick (GM) and Gay Boucher’s (coach) one-year deals expired heading into the season; rather, he hired the father-son duo of Aubrey “Drake” and Adonis Graham in their place. Drake, Canadian music rap legend and Toronto Raptors global ambassador, already has a stake in the Behemoths, purchasing the arena naming rights at the beginning of last year as well as owning a 12% stake in the team. The hiring makes his team involvement that more significant.
After a close win, the B’s look to take on Week 1’s leading scorer, Grand Rapids. This should be a hotly contested matchup and could even be a preview to a spring matchup.
2. Grand Rapids Goats (1-0)
Hats off, man. Seriously, congrats on doing the one thing I never could.
Beating Cambridge in your first matchup. That’s what I meant by that and literally nothing else.
There is a lot to like about this team. Jamaican Patty Kane, Auston AM34 Matthews, Matty Ice Barzal, Hat-Trick Laine, John “WJC Heartbreaker” Carlson, Kris the Diss Letang, Jeff Petry Dish, Matt Douche-ene, and Elias Pettersnipe all exploded this week. Notably quiet were Sid the Adult Crosby, Max Eyepacioretty, and Victory Hedman (insert Erik Karlsson here).
This was clearly the best team of the first five days. Les Purples scored nearly 300 points this week, 50 points clear of anybody else. Just look at the long list of players I mentioned above. His whole team was just clicking like Dan after half a mickey of Smirnoff and an a San Jose Sharks powerplay goal. I… I don’t know. That didn’t make sense. I’m just going to power through it.
Next week could see the birth of a rivalry, if only because Tory trash talks so much that it makes anyone he faces an instant rival.
Reason for hope 1: You are a smooth operator. IN HOCKEY. YOU’RE GOOD AT FANTASY HOCKEY. THAT’S WHAT I MEANT BY THAT AND LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE.
Reason for hope 2: You get two reasons for hope because Tory doesn’t get any.
1. Halifax Voyageurs (0-1)
Oh, sure. Rank yourself first anyways.
A tough matchup was lost this week by a lone John Tavares hat trick. Hmmmm. Just typing this out, looking back at the week, and STILL ranking myself first, I feel like the world’s biggest douchebag.
But I’m still ranking myself first.
This is the best team in the league on paper, and it shouldn’t really be debatable. What is interesting to me is where exactly the Voys’ production came from. Guys like Mike Hoffman, Brayden Schenn, Oliver Ekman-Larsson, and Taylor Hall will be leaned upon for scoring this year; they all went scoreless this matchup. Meanwhile, Alexander Kerfoot (who is called a “pet project” by megalomaniacal owner Dan Ronel) has 3 assists in two games, and PK Subban, Alex DeBrincat, Phil Kessel, and Nathan MacKinnon combined for 5 goals, 7 assists, and 33 shots on goal (almost HALF of which came from Nate alone). Patrice Bergeron returned from injury with a hat trick and assist, and another two-point night. He leads the league in fantasy points, and trails only Auston Matthews (5G, 3A) and Brad Marchand (SEVEN assists) in points.
Ok, so I’m pretty sure I fired coach Glen Gluten-Free last year. Let me check… yup, Ben Mitchflock is the coach now. Let’s see if he can earn this team its second playoff berth in three years. Or rather, let’s see if he fumbles what should be a surefire season.
Reason for hope: I’m 6th on Jeff’s rankings. I love proving people wrong.
Get ready for a long season, boy.
This is a team with the best keepers, and not only is it not even close, it might not be the same league. Some may point out that Mars and Grand Rapids will have some serious matchups down the road due to them being the top two teams in the keeper debate, but I don’t think it’s even a debate. This team has McEichel and THEN SOME.
The rest of the roster is so woefully insufficient that I’d consider calling for a rebuild already.
While my ranking algorithm tied Vegas and Hamilton for second-worst, the Martians were given such a low rating that it could be considered OUT. OF. THIS. WORLD.
First one, and I’m already making awful jokes. I’M BACK, BABY!
Mars was not only the lowest scorer, but for a while was almost sixty points clear of SEVENTH PLACE. That 8-Score (see my sabermetrics if you don’t know what that is) still ended up at twenty fantasy points. Not good.
Next up, Guelph! Unless a major move is made, don’t expect an upset here. Unless you’re owner/GM/coach Isaac Reich, in which case you may end up being very upset.
Reason for hope: Nobody will bash you for tanking two times in three years, especially when you’re gearing for a McEichel championship run. Well, Tory might bash you. Actually, I probably will too. In fact, let me make my plea right now to anyone reading this: BASH MARS EVERY CHANCE YOU GET.
7. Guelph Gryphons (0-1)
What is this team, ever?
Guelph looks poised to post another bubble season. The “Carolina Hurricanes of the YGFHL” have not looked like a contender since Ryan Balter purchased the team, missing the playoffs twice and slipping in as the final seed in 2016-17. Heading into year number four, not a lot seems to have changed.
To my dismay, the Gryphons did not want Charlie McAvoy, which was quite literally the ONLY reason I drafted him. Fuck.
Unsurprisingly, the Boston boys are leading the way. Absolutely nothing has changed from any other season ever. David Pastrnak and Brad Marchand are flying high with a ridiculous combined TWELVE POINTS. Max Domi, Nazem Kadri, and Kevin Hayes have overperformed, earning seven assists between them, but all three have yet to pot one themselves. In fact, outside of Pasta, this team has two goals. That’s gotta change. Also, stop hogging all the goalies. Grand Rapids needs some.
This marks the first time that Ryan Balter has not won his opening matchup. He starts the year with a losing record. We have entered new territory. In past years, he has seemed content to rest on his laurels, propelled by the high of a 1-0 record. Let’s see if he trusts his process or decides to completely overhaul in an effort to find an identity for his team. This season could end up posing as a HUGE crossroads for The Quidditch Crew, as they could realistically decide to compete or rebuild with a degree of success. Time does seem to be running out on a contention run, and if there is ever a year to do it, it seems as though this is the last one. Maybe the 0-1 start is a good kick in the ass to set the gears in motion. Or maybe it is a precursor of what will be a long, cold season.
Then again, next on the docket is Mars.
Reason for hope: There’s enough here to like that I can ignore what I hate. Pick a direction and stick to it.
6. Hamilton Huskies (1-0)
We are all going to look back at this as the moment Dan once again disrespected the championship winning team.
Seriously. Last year I put the Goats outside the top four, which ironically enough was the only year I can remember putting Hamilton in the top three. I bucked the trend, and you rewarded me with a first round exit. For some reason, I’ve decided to return to my disrespecting ways.
The reason is that your team isn’t good.
For the first time in YGFHL history, owner Adam Sharvit isn’t all that confident in his team. In a recent press conference, he himself admitted, “If there was ever a year where we’d miss the playoffs, it’s now.” And for the first time ever, I didn’t just put him down in the hopes that he’d miss. I genuinely don’t like the team.
For now, the Huskies start the season off on the right foot, thanks to impressive performances from the likes of Mikko Rantanen (traded), Jamie Benn (traded), and Mark Giordano (traded). This is either an interesting strategy of “selling high”, or a much less known strategy of “getting high”. Seriously, this is a team that needs to tank. Sharvit sees himself as something of a Detroit Red Wings. The glory days are in the past, and in a futile attempt to carry on his legacy he refuses to acknowledge that rebuilding is not just smart, but sometimes necessary. Alas, that is the epitome of Adam Sharvit. The man is so competitive that he will do just about anything to win. “Why settle for one championship over a two-year span when you can win both years?” Well, when you miss the playoffs and end up going three consecutive years without a championship (after winning the first three), you’re going to wish you went about it smarter.
Or, you’re going to win it again just to spite me. Probably that one.
Reason for hope: Someone somewhere is going to make an abominable trade (probably to Grand Rapids) and pave the way for you to sneak into the playoffs. And you haven’t benched a shutout in years, so that’s good too.
5. Las Vegas Vipers (1-0)
I couldn’t justify leaving TWO teams with winning records outside of the top five, though your roster begged me to.
Still, good win, and congrats on overperforming your way to second highest scorer of the half-week.
So, who did well? *squints* Seab Mongaham. Jomny Gaieladroux. Rhyne O’Ralley. Pattnick Margoau. Illllya Kov… too long. Morden Ryglee. Alex Ovechkin. Ebhagenny Kusemeksov. Klye Pamlineri. Sorry guys, I just got new prescription glasses. Apparently, I’m virtually blind in my left eye. Now… where did I put my glasses?
Owner Jeffler Gould has put out his yearly counter-rankings as a form of attempted disrespect to fellow owner Dan Ronel, who is employed by TFHN as a writer and YGFHL expert and has won numerous awards in his field (and is very well respected by YGFHL fans who aren’t owners). He put Halifax 6th and Hamilton 3rd. I think that says enough about that.
Mike Babsocks appears primed to return to another great year in Sin City, returning as the coach for a fifth consecutive season. He was the favourite to win Coach of the Year, and probably would have if we’d actually done the awards. Sorry, guys. I was going through some serious shit. Didn’t have the mental capacity.
It was widely expected that the team was looking for a new GM, but Monday morning it was announced that John Tortellini would be brought back on a one-year contract. Still, Gould has been hush-hush on the subject, and don’t be surprised if a sudden cold spell marks the end of Tort’s tenure with the team.
This week, the Vipers will face the Castrators (still loving that name). I’m curious as to how this one will go, being made up of my 6th ranked team and Jeff’s 8th (yeah, EIGHTH) ranked team. It could go either way, but Cambridge is going to win.
Reason for hope: You tend to be better at predicting than I am. Your rankings are whack, but then again so am I.
4. Cambridge Castrators (0-1)
I can’t tell if this team is good or not.
After the draft, this team was the polarizing centre of debate. There were some interesting picks, as well as a few flops, but overall this team should at least compete for a playoff spot. They ended up fourth in scoring, putting them in the same neighbourhood as the third and second highest scorers. Unfortunately, Grand Rapids caught fire and thrashed the C’s by 80 points. Geno Malkin, Wayne Simmonds, Sebastian Aho, Anze Kopitar, and Evander Kane stepped up in a big way, but some of the superstars were suspiciously silent. Castrators 2nd overall pick Rasmus Dahlin hasn’t picked up his first point yet. He’ll need to soon.
Owner/coach/GM/almighty dictator Derek Ford has recently been sniffing around the league for deals, showing that he’s ready to take this thing to the next level. They aren’t there yet, but clearly there was a need to be filled as Ford went out and acquired goaltender Cameron Talbot.
Cambridge looks to put up a tally in the win column with a MEATY performance against Las Vegas. This time, they’ve got PETA on their side.
Reason for hope: With the new logo, your reinvented colour scheme is a beauty.
3. Bangkok Behemoths (1-0)
I’m still not worried.
After a tremendous back and forth, in which it looked like perhaps Halifax had pulled away, October’s Very Own stormed back Sunday night, fuelled by a 7 goal Toronto Maple Leafs night. John Tavares earned a fedora that night, planting the puck past Cam Ward three times. That performance was enough to earn Bangkok their first victory of the season in as many matchups.
Since then, owner Tory Dick has received nonstop calls on Tavares. He has reiterated that nothing short of wild horses and a king’s ransom would move him to part ways with the superstar, who appears to be on the cusp of a career year, but you certainly can’t knock teams for shooting their shot (#2018).
Dick did make some waves this season, though. Both George McDick (GM) and Gay Boucher’s (coach) one-year deals expired heading into the season; rather, he hired the father-son duo of Aubrey “Drake” and Adonis Graham in their place. Drake, Canadian music rap legend and Toronto Raptors global ambassador, already has a stake in the Behemoths, purchasing the arena naming rights at the beginning of last year as well as owning a 12% stake in the team. The hiring makes his team involvement that more significant.
After a close win, the B’s look to take on Week 1’s leading scorer, Grand Rapids. This should be a hotly contested matchup and could even be a preview to a spring matchup.
2. Grand Rapids Goats (1-0)
Hats off, man. Seriously, congrats on doing the one thing I never could.
Beating Cambridge in your first matchup. That’s what I meant by that and literally nothing else.
There is a lot to like about this team. Jamaican Patty Kane, Auston AM34 Matthews, Matty Ice Barzal, Hat-Trick Laine, John “WJC Heartbreaker” Carlson, Kris the Diss Letang, Jeff Petry Dish, Matt Douche-ene, and Elias Pettersnipe all exploded this week. Notably quiet were Sid the Adult Crosby, Max Eyepacioretty, and Victory Hedman (insert Erik Karlsson here).
This was clearly the best team of the first five days. Les Purples scored nearly 300 points this week, 50 points clear of anybody else. Just look at the long list of players I mentioned above. His whole team was just clicking like Dan after half a mickey of Smirnoff and an a San Jose Sharks powerplay goal. I… I don’t know. That didn’t make sense. I’m just going to power through it.
Next week could see the birth of a rivalry, if only because Tory trash talks so much that it makes anyone he faces an instant rival.
Reason for hope 1: You are a smooth operator. IN HOCKEY. YOU’RE GOOD AT FANTASY HOCKEY. THAT’S WHAT I MEANT BY THAT AND LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE.
Reason for hope 2: You get two reasons for hope because Tory doesn’t get any.
1. Halifax Voyageurs (0-1)
Oh, sure. Rank yourself first anyways.
A tough matchup was lost this week by a lone John Tavares hat trick. Hmmmm. Just typing this out, looking back at the week, and STILL ranking myself first, I feel like the world’s biggest douchebag.
But I’m still ranking myself first.
This is the best team in the league on paper, and it shouldn’t really be debatable. What is interesting to me is where exactly the Voys’ production came from. Guys like Mike Hoffman, Brayden Schenn, Oliver Ekman-Larsson, and Taylor Hall will be leaned upon for scoring this year; they all went scoreless this matchup. Meanwhile, Alexander Kerfoot (who is called a “pet project” by megalomaniacal owner Dan Ronel) has 3 assists in two games, and PK Subban, Alex DeBrincat, Phil Kessel, and Nathan MacKinnon combined for 5 goals, 7 assists, and 33 shots on goal (almost HALF of which came from Nate alone). Patrice Bergeron returned from injury with a hat trick and assist, and another two-point night. He leads the league in fantasy points, and trails only Auston Matthews (5G, 3A) and Brad Marchand (SEVEN assists) in points.
Ok, so I’m pretty sure I fired coach Glen Gluten-Free last year. Let me check… yup, Ben Mitchflock is the coach now. Let’s see if he can earn this team its second playoff berth in three years. Or rather, let’s see if he fumbles what should be a surefire season.
Reason for hope: I’m 6th on Jeff’s rankings. I love proving people wrong.