Post by GoVoysGo on Jan 4, 2017 12:36:01 GMT -5
These boards will be used for the weekly power rankings. I thought it would be nice to suggest how this league appears to shape up ahead of this upcoming season. I will be posting the weekly power rankings in one part each week. There will be no bottom half first part, also known as the glass half full half, nor the MC Hammer second portion (Too Legit too Quit). If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways. For the 2016-17 season, I'll be doing the rankings in reverse. I'm not sure if it's supposed to build suspension, or just because writers tend to save the best for last, but I'm going to follow suit. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself.
The new template is more or less the same as before. Lowest teams are listed first. Rank, team name, and record are listed, followed by the weekly report for that team, and Reason for hope. Omitted will be MVP and LVP. Anyways, enjoy!
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#6 • NORTH KOREA KOMODOS • 2-10
Time is running out.
The Komodos have officially been sold to Jeffrey Gould, who is primed to take over the team next season. For now, Evan Presement will have to deal with a failed experiment.
After Tim Murray famously destroyed his NHL roster in 2014-15, the “scorched earth” rebuild strategy has become a favourite, being utilized by the Komodos, Toronto Maple Leafs, Arizona Coyotes, and Philadelphia 76ers. Of course, we won’t see its full effects for a few years, and by then we will be will into the Gould era.
But rather than looking ahead, let’s look behind. North Korea was dismantled this week by the Halifax Voyageurs, and you have to wonder if they’ll ever win a matchup again (even by accident). Mike Hoffman and Bobby Ryan are STILL taking up IR spots. Ryan’s been useless, but Hoffman has 3 apples in two games this past week. PK Subban, Max Domi and Mika Zibanejad are still injured (although Jake Allen has returned), but Marian Hossa, Ryan O’Reilly, Justin Faulk, and Troy Brouwer all find themselves out with some sort of ailment. That’s a huge infirmary line, man. Get your healthy guys the fuck out of there.
The Dictators are the lowest scorer for the third consecutive week, and at this point the fans might be resigned to cheering for a lottery draft pick, with news that the league will be introducing a new draft lottery system. The four non-playoff teams will be eligible for a lottery (top-two) draft pick.
Auston Matthews (34.1 FPTS) continued to do Auston Matthew things, punching in 4 goals (that seems to be his favourite number of goals) and 2 assists. Tyler Seguin (28.7 FPTS) was right behind him with 5 points this week. Eight other players exceeded 10 fantasy points per game, three of which scored over 20.
That seems pretty good, doesn’t it? So then, how come NK played so poorly? Might it be because they only iced two goalies (Cory Schneider and Petr Mrazek) who combined for 0 wins and 3 losses? Or perhaps it had something to do with the 44.3 benched fantasy points? Or maybe it’s because — apart from the ten aforementioned players — the rest of the team managed 24.1 points? That’s eight players (ten if you include O’Reilly and Faulk, who were dressed to play despite being quite injured) combining for about 24 on the WEEK. That’s 2.4 per player, which is bad in general, but considering that a week encompasses approximately three games, that’s less than a fantasy point per game.
It might seem like I’m nitpicking here, but I’m not. Look at Halifax’s under-10 this week. Fifteen players (which seems like a lot more than NK, but this is because Evan doesn’t update, so some players that were benched all week don’t appear in the matchup summary) combined for 75.1 points. That rounds up to 5 points per player on the week, double that of North Korea’s low-end performers.
Not enough to convince you? Let’s look at the league-leading Grand Rapids Goats. You’ll find 42.8 points divided over seven players, good for 6.1 per player. Ultimately, the matchups are won and lost by the big performers, but don’t discount the little points. They add up.
Anyhow, there’s no point in beating a dead horse, so I’ll stop. By the way, did anyone see Ronda Rousey get absolutely mucked?
North Korea will set out on a three game road trip, starting in Hamilton. I’d suggest putting some money down on the Huskies this week.
Reason for despair: The lottery system kinda fucks things up for you.
#T5 • MARS MARTIANS • 3-9
Yeah, I suppose it's about time I killed this bad joke. Mars is not the worst team in the YGFHL. They're really close, don't get me wrong. But I can't keep pretending North Korea doesn't exist.
You're still bad, and you should feel bad.
Much like Evan Presement, owner Isaac Reich was all but AWOL this week, failing to make an appearance at the league owners meeting, nesting in his hideout on the famous Gordon Street (it's famous in Guelph), wasting the matchups away. Because Reich knows, whatever happens to him this week, he'll still only be at worst one game back from a playoff spot.
That was a shot at Balter, by the way.
Unlike the previous week against rival (lol) Halifax, the Martians failed to keep this one close, becoming the eleventh consecutive team to drop a matchup against the Goats. That hurts so much to say. Seriously. Fuck the Goats. And fuck you for losing to them.
Jamie Benn — despite earning highest Mars scorer with 26 fantasy points — has been a tremendous letdown this year. Despite having a career year last year in which he knocked up 6.8 FPPG, he sits satisfactorily at 5.1 this year thus far. That still puts him 4th at his position, but it's not nearly what was expected of him as the ambassador and superstar of the Martians. As a result, the team has suffered heavily.
Anyways, what's up man? We really haven't spoken much recently. How's Lance? Have you taught him any tricks yet?
Mars has had the fortune of chasing Guelph for the last spot (another shot at Balter). Despite recent hardships in finding wins, the Ms find themselves only one win away from tying the last playoff spot.
And who do they face next week? Why, it's the Guelph Gryphons, of course! I know we have a headliner next week, but keep an eye out for this matchup.
Reason for hope: Rather than giving you a reason for hope, I'm going to take this time to say Happy New Year's to you. Happy New Year's! Your team sucks!
#4 • GUELPH GRYPHONS • 4-8
I find it absolutely hilarious that Guelph is on an island in terms of production and performance (not nearly on the level of the top three teams, but miles ahead of the skunks below), yet they can't seem to pull away from Mars.
Even though I'm pretty sure Stier and Sharvit are the only ones who actually read this fucking thing anymore, let me give you some advice.
Make some trades. Don't be like Isaac, where you periodically message the group that your shitty overrated guys are OTB (and then don't even remotely make any trades). Put some talent up for grabs. Pastrnak, Fowler, and Vatanen will all go for a decent price without losing anyone vital to the team's core... no, Pastrnak is not part of your core.
Don't be afraid to make a bad trade. You will. I guarantee you will make at least one more bad trade in your life. The Goats make bad trades once in a while. The Huskies make bad trades almost daily. It's good to know that you will make a bad trade in the future; that fear gives you the drive to get exactly what you need when you make a deal. It pushes you to strive for greatness.
And if you do screw up, own it. You don't need to lie and say you're happy with the result, but stand up and say, "Fuck anyone who has an opinion." Admit it was a mistake to make that trade, but proudly proclaim that it was your mistake to make. Because that's how you learn to trade well.
(Stier and Sharvit, when you rip Balter off in the next few weeks, you can thank me.)
Oh, yeah. The matchup.
Victor Hedman (29.6), Derek Stepan (25.3), Alex Wennberg (23.5), and Brayden Schenn (20)... wait, when the fuck did you get Schenn?
Those four guys led the way as Guelph pressured Hamilton all week. In a seemingly tired storyline for this team, the Quidditch Crew nearly won towards the end. Still, all was right in the end when they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. The final score was 338.5-319 for the Huskies, a sub-20 point matchup.
The goaltending was on fleek — not a single loss was recorded, as the three goalies that played combined for 39.5 FPTS. Coach Souvien reportedly hired goaltending coach Francois Gallaire, and it appears to have worked out favourably. The coach was "pleased with the recent performances in net," before adding that there's always room for improvement.
Remember those Martians I mentioned before? Well, those same Martians are facing the Gryphons next week in Guelph. As I like to say, it'll be a doozy, folks.
Reason for hope: Those bike rides with co-owner Zac MacDonald are really doing wonders for your health!
#3 • HALIFAX VOYAGEURS • 7-5
Last week I asked you if you could fucking stay over .500 for at least one goddamn week.
And for one week, you delivered.
It was a case of (nearly) polar opposites, as opposing NK limped into 6th in scoring while the Voyageurs fell 3.7 short of 1st. In fact, Halifax lapped the Komodos. The score was 364-235.6, and not in a good way.
Ryan McDonagh (32.5) has once again gotten 5 dimes in a matchup, but the real hero was Ryan Kesler (45.4), the player of the week. Oh fuck, that gives me a fantastic idea for next week's PR.
A few new names — Robbi Fabbri (28.1), Mikael Granlund (22.7), and TJ Oshie (17.9) — as well as some old ones — Nick Foligno (30.2), Sergei Bobrovsky (27.3), and Brent Burns (23.7) — were key players in this decisive victory.
Honestly, there's not a whole lot to say. It was just a solid week for the Voys. Maybe they can continu— oh, good god, no. Please no. Please, any other team.
GM James McEnroy and owner Daniel Ronel (hey, that's me!) got together for New Year's and got absolutely fucken hammered. They played some hardcore Rock Band — Ronel was reportedly killing those high notes during "Roxanne", and McEnroy claims to have "gotten some MAAAAAJOR pussy."
Next week... oh no. Oh, good god, no. Fuck. FML. Just fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck.
Dan... deep breaths. Calm down. Calm down, man. You still have to finish the section of the PR. Just blast by it. Don't even use proper grammar. Just get it out of the way.
Next week Goats yikes twelve in a row fuck fuck fuck. This bad, mayday, mayday. Houston, we had a problem like ten years ago. We absolutely fucked.
Just world whole fucked.
See? That wasn't so bad.
Reason for hope: You've been waiting for this matchup for a while now. You're confident you can give the Goats a run for their money, and become the first team to defeat them this season (shut up, Sharvit).
#2 • HAMILTON HUSKIES • 9-3
Cool. Cool cool cool.
After reminding me of my Community-reference jokes with a certain handshake last night, you have to feel relieved coming out of Week 12 with a W. Guelph is no pushover (although, they aren't that good), so it was good to get this out of the way.
You guys will notice that I'm spending less time talking about the better teams. It's true, but every week I talk about the better teams. I've put off a proper analysis of the Komodos the entire season until now. I just spent about a whole day writing about them this week. I've been trying to match that content with each team, but it keeps getting harder. Notice how I've overdone the whole "underachiever/overachiever" scenario with Guelph? I can only paint them as underrated little shits for so long before I become a broken record. Halifax needed an entire passage about some made-up New Year’s party using various references from the actual New Year’s party as filler content. As for the Huskies... yeah, we get it. You're a fantastic team but you're nothing compared to GR. I can only find so many ways to say that while also pissing you off along the way.
I can find material for Stier, because his team finds new ways to do well and I particularly enjoy trashing on the league leader (but you knew this already). But what about Mars? I literally started that one off by killing a long-time running gag where I shit on his team so hard I rank them below the inactive guy. Even THAT reached its expiry date. So, you know what? Fuck you. I'll do a quick analysis and move on.
Chris Kreider (wtf) was king this week, earning 39.6 fantasy points for the Sharvit Squad. Up next are — did you guess correctly? — Evgeni Malkin (25.8), Sidney Crosby (24), and Justin Schultz (also wtf, 21.9).
Actually, I would like to add something. It's something I've learned, something Stier has learned, and something that burned former owner Mark Korodetz hard. You're basking in that Pittsburgh love. You're rolling with the good times. And boy, I'm going to motherfucking party when that ship sails. Wanna know why? Because they're going to crash right around the time after the trade deadline, and you're going to be absolutely fucked. It's gonna be amazing. I've already marked the calendar.
But until then, I guess we'll have to be content with a matchup against the Komodos. Just remember: don't bench a fucking shutout again.
Reason for hope: If you could win three games of Catan in a row with very little (or none, in one game) brick support, then you can win some matchups with very little Penguins support.
#1 • GRAND RAPIDS GOATS • 11-1
Unfortunately, who else could I put here?
Grand Rapids will forever be the ire of my journalistic opinion. Your team is shit. You were going to fucking tank and try for keepers! You said that after the first week!
Well, it's eleven weeks later and I get the feeling the Goats are glad they waited on that plan.
If only your team performed the way you play UFC, then we'd really be in good hands. I mean, I know you've only won the championship once, but you're CONSTANTLY the team to beat, or right up there when you're not the team to beat. Just ONCE, I'd like to see you in 6th. That would be AMAZING.
You know what else was amazing? This victory marks the eleventh week in a row where the Goats have been a top-three scorer. It also marks the 5th Art Ross of the season for highest scorer.
There was no standout player, with twenty-one Goats skaters scoring more than 10 points this week. Only two topped 20, with Zach Werenski leading the team with a modest 22.3 tally. This is absolute teamwork, and Coach Tannenville heaped praise upon the lads at the post-game press conference.
It's 4:23 AM, and I promised my dad I'd try to wake up somewhat early tomorrow, so I'm going to cut this one a bit short as well.
Next up is the third of a four game season Stieries against the Halifax Voyageurs. Watch. Same as last time, I'm gonna take a massive lead over literally everyone, and you'll win it on Sunday. I'm calling it right here.
Reason for hope: Can I just skip this part?
The new template is more or less the same as before. Lowest teams are listed first. Rank, team name, and record are listed, followed by the weekly report for that team, and Reason for hope. Omitted will be MVP and LVP. Anyways, enjoy!
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#6 • NORTH KOREA KOMODOS • 2-10
Time is running out.
The Komodos have officially been sold to Jeffrey Gould, who is primed to take over the team next season. For now, Evan Presement will have to deal with a failed experiment.
After Tim Murray famously destroyed his NHL roster in 2014-15, the “scorched earth” rebuild strategy has become a favourite, being utilized by the Komodos, Toronto Maple Leafs, Arizona Coyotes, and Philadelphia 76ers. Of course, we won’t see its full effects for a few years, and by then we will be will into the Gould era.
But rather than looking ahead, let’s look behind. North Korea was dismantled this week by the Halifax Voyageurs, and you have to wonder if they’ll ever win a matchup again (even by accident). Mike Hoffman and Bobby Ryan are STILL taking up IR spots. Ryan’s been useless, but Hoffman has 3 apples in two games this past week. PK Subban, Max Domi and Mika Zibanejad are still injured (although Jake Allen has returned), but Marian Hossa, Ryan O’Reilly, Justin Faulk, and Troy Brouwer all find themselves out with some sort of ailment. That’s a huge infirmary line, man. Get your healthy guys the fuck out of there.
The Dictators are the lowest scorer for the third consecutive week, and at this point the fans might be resigned to cheering for a lottery draft pick, with news that the league will be introducing a new draft lottery system. The four non-playoff teams will be eligible for a lottery (top-two) draft pick.
Auston Matthews (34.1 FPTS) continued to do Auston Matthew things, punching in 4 goals (that seems to be his favourite number of goals) and 2 assists. Tyler Seguin (28.7 FPTS) was right behind him with 5 points this week. Eight other players exceeded 10 fantasy points per game, three of which scored over 20.
That seems pretty good, doesn’t it? So then, how come NK played so poorly? Might it be because they only iced two goalies (Cory Schneider and Petr Mrazek) who combined for 0 wins and 3 losses? Or perhaps it had something to do with the 44.3 benched fantasy points? Or maybe it’s because — apart from the ten aforementioned players — the rest of the team managed 24.1 points? That’s eight players (ten if you include O’Reilly and Faulk, who were dressed to play despite being quite injured) combining for about 24 on the WEEK. That’s 2.4 per player, which is bad in general, but considering that a week encompasses approximately three games, that’s less than a fantasy point per game.
It might seem like I’m nitpicking here, but I’m not. Look at Halifax’s under-10 this week. Fifteen players (which seems like a lot more than NK, but this is because Evan doesn’t update, so some players that were benched all week don’t appear in the matchup summary) combined for 75.1 points. That rounds up to 5 points per player on the week, double that of North Korea’s low-end performers.
Not enough to convince you? Let’s look at the league-leading Grand Rapids Goats. You’ll find 42.8 points divided over seven players, good for 6.1 per player. Ultimately, the matchups are won and lost by the big performers, but don’t discount the little points. They add up.
Anyhow, there’s no point in beating a dead horse, so I’ll stop. By the way, did anyone see Ronda Rousey get absolutely mucked?
North Korea will set out on a three game road trip, starting in Hamilton. I’d suggest putting some money down on the Huskies this week.
Reason for despair: The lottery system kinda fucks things up for you.
#T5 • MARS MARTIANS • 3-9
Yeah, I suppose it's about time I killed this bad joke. Mars is not the worst team in the YGFHL. They're really close, don't get me wrong. But I can't keep pretending North Korea doesn't exist.
You're still bad, and you should feel bad.
Much like Evan Presement, owner Isaac Reich was all but AWOL this week, failing to make an appearance at the league owners meeting, nesting in his hideout on the famous Gordon Street (it's famous in Guelph), wasting the matchups away. Because Reich knows, whatever happens to him this week, he'll still only be at worst one game back from a playoff spot.
That was a shot at Balter, by the way.
Unlike the previous week against rival (lol) Halifax, the Martians failed to keep this one close, becoming the eleventh consecutive team to drop a matchup against the Goats. That hurts so much to say. Seriously. Fuck the Goats. And fuck you for losing to them.
Jamie Benn — despite earning highest Mars scorer with 26 fantasy points — has been a tremendous letdown this year. Despite having a career year last year in which he knocked up 6.8 FPPG, he sits satisfactorily at 5.1 this year thus far. That still puts him 4th at his position, but it's not nearly what was expected of him as the ambassador and superstar of the Martians. As a result, the team has suffered heavily.
Anyways, what's up man? We really haven't spoken much recently. How's Lance? Have you taught him any tricks yet?
Mars has had the fortune of chasing Guelph for the last spot (another shot at Balter). Despite recent hardships in finding wins, the Ms find themselves only one win away from tying the last playoff spot.
And who do they face next week? Why, it's the Guelph Gryphons, of course! I know we have a headliner next week, but keep an eye out for this matchup.
Reason for hope: Rather than giving you a reason for hope, I'm going to take this time to say Happy New Year's to you. Happy New Year's! Your team sucks!
#4 • GUELPH GRYPHONS • 4-8
I find it absolutely hilarious that Guelph is on an island in terms of production and performance (not nearly on the level of the top three teams, but miles ahead of the skunks below), yet they can't seem to pull away from Mars.
Even though I'm pretty sure Stier and Sharvit are the only ones who actually read this fucking thing anymore, let me give you some advice.
Make some trades. Don't be like Isaac, where you periodically message the group that your shitty overrated guys are OTB (and then don't even remotely make any trades). Put some talent up for grabs. Pastrnak, Fowler, and Vatanen will all go for a decent price without losing anyone vital to the team's core... no, Pastrnak is not part of your core.
Don't be afraid to make a bad trade. You will. I guarantee you will make at least one more bad trade in your life. The Goats make bad trades once in a while. The Huskies make bad trades almost daily. It's good to know that you will make a bad trade in the future; that fear gives you the drive to get exactly what you need when you make a deal. It pushes you to strive for greatness.
And if you do screw up, own it. You don't need to lie and say you're happy with the result, but stand up and say, "Fuck anyone who has an opinion." Admit it was a mistake to make that trade, but proudly proclaim that it was your mistake to make. Because that's how you learn to trade well.
(Stier and Sharvit, when you rip Balter off in the next few weeks, you can thank me.)
Oh, yeah. The matchup.
Victor Hedman (29.6), Derek Stepan (25.3), Alex Wennberg (23.5), and Brayden Schenn (20)... wait, when the fuck did you get Schenn?
Those four guys led the way as Guelph pressured Hamilton all week. In a seemingly tired storyline for this team, the Quidditch Crew nearly won towards the end. Still, all was right in the end when they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. The final score was 338.5-319 for the Huskies, a sub-20 point matchup.
The goaltending was on fleek — not a single loss was recorded, as the three goalies that played combined for 39.5 FPTS. Coach Souvien reportedly hired goaltending coach Francois Gallaire, and it appears to have worked out favourably. The coach was "pleased with the recent performances in net," before adding that there's always room for improvement.
Remember those Martians I mentioned before? Well, those same Martians are facing the Gryphons next week in Guelph. As I like to say, it'll be a doozy, folks.
Reason for hope: Those bike rides with co-owner Zac MacDonald are really doing wonders for your health!
#3 • HALIFAX VOYAGEURS • 7-5
Last week I asked you if you could fucking stay over .500 for at least one goddamn week.
And for one week, you delivered.
It was a case of (nearly) polar opposites, as opposing NK limped into 6th in scoring while the Voyageurs fell 3.7 short of 1st. In fact, Halifax lapped the Komodos. The score was 364-235.6, and not in a good way.
Ryan McDonagh (32.5) has once again gotten 5 dimes in a matchup, but the real hero was Ryan Kesler (45.4), the player of the week. Oh fuck, that gives me a fantastic idea for next week's PR.
A few new names — Robbi Fabbri (28.1), Mikael Granlund (22.7), and TJ Oshie (17.9) — as well as some old ones — Nick Foligno (30.2), Sergei Bobrovsky (27.3), and Brent Burns (23.7) — were key players in this decisive victory.
Honestly, there's not a whole lot to say. It was just a solid week for the Voys. Maybe they can continu— oh, good god, no. Please no. Please, any other team.
GM James McEnroy and owner Daniel Ronel (hey, that's me!) got together for New Year's and got absolutely fucken hammered. They played some hardcore Rock Band — Ronel was reportedly killing those high notes during "Roxanne", and McEnroy claims to have "gotten some MAAAAAJOR pussy."
Next week... oh no. Oh, good god, no. Fuck. FML. Just fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck.
Dan... deep breaths. Calm down. Calm down, man. You still have to finish the section of the PR. Just blast by it. Don't even use proper grammar. Just get it out of the way.
Next week Goats yikes twelve in a row fuck fuck fuck. This bad, mayday, mayday. Houston, we had a problem like ten years ago. We absolutely fucked.
Just world whole fucked.
See? That wasn't so bad.
Reason for hope: You've been waiting for this matchup for a while now. You're confident you can give the Goats a run for their money, and become the first team to defeat them this season (shut up, Sharvit).
#2 • HAMILTON HUSKIES • 9-3
Cool. Cool cool cool.
After reminding me of my Community-reference jokes with a certain handshake last night, you have to feel relieved coming out of Week 12 with a W. Guelph is no pushover (although, they aren't that good), so it was good to get this out of the way.
You guys will notice that I'm spending less time talking about the better teams. It's true, but every week I talk about the better teams. I've put off a proper analysis of the Komodos the entire season until now. I just spent about a whole day writing about them this week. I've been trying to match that content with each team, but it keeps getting harder. Notice how I've overdone the whole "underachiever/overachiever" scenario with Guelph? I can only paint them as underrated little shits for so long before I become a broken record. Halifax needed an entire passage about some made-up New Year’s party using various references from the actual New Year’s party as filler content. As for the Huskies... yeah, we get it. You're a fantastic team but you're nothing compared to GR. I can only find so many ways to say that while also pissing you off along the way.
I can find material for Stier, because his team finds new ways to do well and I particularly enjoy trashing on the league leader (but you knew this already). But what about Mars? I literally started that one off by killing a long-time running gag where I shit on his team so hard I rank them below the inactive guy. Even THAT reached its expiry date. So, you know what? Fuck you. I'll do a quick analysis and move on.
Chris Kreider (wtf) was king this week, earning 39.6 fantasy points for the Sharvit Squad. Up next are — did you guess correctly? — Evgeni Malkin (25.8), Sidney Crosby (24), and Justin Schultz (also wtf, 21.9).
Actually, I would like to add something. It's something I've learned, something Stier has learned, and something that burned former owner Mark Korodetz hard. You're basking in that Pittsburgh love. You're rolling with the good times. And boy, I'm going to motherfucking party when that ship sails. Wanna know why? Because they're going to crash right around the time after the trade deadline, and you're going to be absolutely fucked. It's gonna be amazing. I've already marked the calendar.
But until then, I guess we'll have to be content with a matchup against the Komodos. Just remember: don't bench a fucking shutout again.
Reason for hope: If you could win three games of Catan in a row with very little (or none, in one game) brick support, then you can win some matchups with very little Penguins support.
#1 • GRAND RAPIDS GOATS • 11-1
Unfortunately, who else could I put here?
Grand Rapids will forever be the ire of my journalistic opinion. Your team is shit. You were going to fucking tank and try for keepers! You said that after the first week!
Well, it's eleven weeks later and I get the feeling the Goats are glad they waited on that plan.
If only your team performed the way you play UFC, then we'd really be in good hands. I mean, I know you've only won the championship once, but you're CONSTANTLY the team to beat, or right up there when you're not the team to beat. Just ONCE, I'd like to see you in 6th. That would be AMAZING.
You know what else was amazing? This victory marks the eleventh week in a row where the Goats have been a top-three scorer. It also marks the 5th Art Ross of the season for highest scorer.
There was no standout player, with twenty-one Goats skaters scoring more than 10 points this week. Only two topped 20, with Zach Werenski leading the team with a modest 22.3 tally. This is absolute teamwork, and Coach Tannenville heaped praise upon the lads at the post-game press conference.
It's 4:23 AM, and I promised my dad I'd try to wake up somewhat early tomorrow, so I'm going to cut this one a bit short as well.
Next up is the third of a four game season Stieries against the Halifax Voyageurs. Watch. Same as last time, I'm gonna take a massive lead over literally everyone, and you'll win it on Sunday. I'm calling it right here.
Reason for hope: Can I just skip this part?