Post by GoVoysGo on Nov 2, 2016 22:31:04 GMT -5
These boards will be used for the weekly power rankings. I thought it would be nice to suggest how this league appears to shape up ahead of this upcoming season. I will be posting the weekly power rankings in one part each week. There will be no bottom half first part, also known as the glass half full half, nor the MC Hammer second portion (Too Legit too Quit). If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways. For the 2016-17 season, I'll be doing the rankings in reverse. I'm not sure if it's supposed to build suspension, or just because writers tend to save the best for last, but I'm going to follow suit. If you don't like it, go fuck yourself.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
Throughout the season, I will the number rank a colour based on how the team is trending: green (trending up), red (trending down, like my math marks over the years), and gray (consistent... or you simply can't become more extreme, either first or worst). THE RANK ITSELF IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF THIS.
Along with a weekly Most Valuable Player, there will be a Least Valuable Player included for each team as well, from now on. Like the MVP, the LVP isn't simply the most/least fantasy points achieved on the week. If a depth player performs near the top of the team, then they may be awarded the MVP; likewise, if a superstar has an off week, they may end up being the team donkey. It is almost entirely subjective, but within reason. I may target a player for being clutch (or not being clutch) in a close matchup towards the end of the week. If your favourite player isn't picked, go tell Ron Wilson, and he'll tell you about how inconsistent they are. I don't want to hear it. For the 2016-17 season and onward, I will not be posting statistics along with the player, just the recipient of said honours.
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#6 MARS MARTIANS • 1-2
Goddammit.
I keep telling myself: one of these days, I won’t rank Mars last. Yet, here they are!
Look, I know there’s every reason to put the Dictators last, with a worse record, fewer fantasy points on the season, and just an overall “Buffalo Sabres” feel seemingly reeking from the franchise. But, I’m not going to praise Mars for someone else’s failure (despite the fact that I have many a time before). You want a higher spot? Win. It’s that simple.
The matchup itself was pretty close — both teams placing in the middle of the league in scoring (3rd for Guelph and 5th for Mars) when factoring the points jump between 2-3 and 5-6 — but the better squad won. Wait, better squad? Did I really just say Guelph has a better squad than someone?
Stuff happened, a team won, and I wrote about it. I think I wrote enough. Deal with it.
I’m going to wrap this up early, on account of today being Wednesday and I’m caught with a busy day tomorrow: I need to get a course add waiver/form, meet with my SAS counsellor, do two online quizzes, order bare Domino’s Pizza, do a shit-ton of laundry, and play dank Rocket League. Also, I have class.
Next week, it’s the first meeting between the M’s and the Goats since last season’s Final. What will happen? Stay tuned to find out (or don’t, we all know who’s winning this one).
MVP: Mr. THREE SHUTOUTS, Devan Dubnyk
LVP: Mr. ZERO SHUTOUTS (and a dismal -7.9), Pekka Rinne
Reason for hope: You’re not the worst record in the league.
#5 NORTH KOREA KOMODOS • 0-3
I really tried this week, but after hours of searching, I simply couldn’t find your team.
Figure it out, kid! Ask Blob McKenzie to help you, he’s an expert with this hockey thing.
I think it goes without saying that the Komodos lost this week, but more on that later. I’m not wasting any more precious seconds typing about this team than I absolutely have to. Filth!
Oh, and if things weren’t bad enough, you’re facing the #1 ranked team this week. Good luck, bud.
MVP: Who cares (fine, it was Jake Allen)
LVP: OH PK! *Stier in the distance* OH SUBBAN OHHHH!
Reason for hope: Can’t think of anything. Also, you owe us $50.
#4 GUELPH GRYPHONS • 2-1
You finally traded Spezza. Was it enough to hold up a top-3 spot? Why no, it wasn’t. Especially when you beat up on the #6 ranked team. Booooo!
My logic is flawed, just roll with it.
GM Rod Heaney is satisfied with his extremely busy week, making several trades (especially the aforementioned Jason Spezza-to-Halifax blockbuster deal), which means he probably won’t make another trade until at least a week before the trade deadline, if not later.
Next week is the team that overtook you for top 3, the Hamilton Huskies. Here’s your chance to prove me wrong (although I’m definitely not putting you first).
MVP: Sasha Radulov
LVP: I usually like putting stars that didn’t do well for LVP, but I can’t find any stars on your team
Reason for hope: You’ve decided to stop making trades for now.
#3 HAMILTON HUSKIES • 2-1
Cool. Cool cool cool.
Wait, you notice when I repeat jokes? Fuck.
Good week, sir. Maybe this time, you can beat an actual team.
The Sharvit Squad wasted a top-scoring week on the lowest scoring opponent, in a 402.4—286.5 thriller with North Korea.
Last PR, I praised Hamilton’s new logo, but after further research I cannot confidently trust that the organization independently created the logo with no outside influences.
This is a team that, for the first time ever, looks dangerous right out of the get-go. I’ve probably said this already, but it would be a severe, fatal mistake to take them lightly. I’ll put it this way; they’re the new Goats. Wait, no. I’m the new Goats. They’re the new… Huskies? No, the Huskies always start out shit. Did we ever have other good teams in this league? I can’t recall.
In short, Dr. Strange things are happening this week.
Wow. Even I didn’t find that funny. It didn’t even make sense. Like… ? I considered not including it, but I need quota, or you guys might think I seriously think these are the standings (cause, like, I totally don’t, gosh).
Next week, Guelph. Don’t make me look like an ass for putting you third.
MVP: Who else? Craig Anderson #HockeyFightsCancer
LVP: Your precious little Mike Green
Reason for hope: Umm…
#2 GRAND RAPIDS GOATS • 2-1
YES I BEAT HALIFAX I BEAT HALIFAX I BEAT HA… what?? WHAT?
SECOND?
*middle finger emoji*
Grand Rapids played well, while Halifax played less well. The result was a decisive victory, bringing the Goats and three other teams into a tie for first.
Well, winning was fun for a while. Sigh.
According to reports outside Flint and Grand Rapids, owner Adam Stier made several attempts to distract other owners from competing through shady means, such as the following:
• praising them on their trades
• talking to them about event management
• recommending badass TV shows like Trailer Park Boys
Curse you, Adam Stier! Curse you!
Seriously, I sound like a broken record… but I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANY OF YOU DO THESE DAYS!
MVP: Wayne “Blackie” Simmonds
LVP: Jaden Schwartz, who I wouldn’t call a star but you seem to like him, so… sure
Reason for hope: You beat the best team. That makes you the bes… almost best. Good job!
#1 HALIFAX VOYAGEURS • 2-1
Honeymoon is over. Came crashing down. Now, it's time to get the train back on its tracks.
Don't get me wrong. This is still the best team in the league. But there are at least one-and-a-half other good ones out there — the and-a-half just beat you. Badly.
A perceptible hole in net was just begging to screw up the only lasting undefeated team, and screw it up it did. GM James McEnroy spent the beginning of the week working the phones, specifically taking interest in Guelph's Martin Jones, per Matt Harkin. After losing what really wasn't a contest at any point, McInroy decided enough was enough, and fixed up a proverbial three-team trade with the Gryphons and the Huskies, snagging Jones by means of selling the stacked blueline. Was it worth it?
Ask Daniel Bryan.
Anyway, there's my reasoning for putting the Voys first, end of discussion. Now, the jokes.
And those were the jokes. Thanks for joining me this week. I’ve been Dan Ronel. Good night, and good luck demolishing North Korea next week.
MVP: Carey Price
LVP: Evgeny Kuznetsov
Reason for hope: You're still kinda first.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
Throughout the season, I will the number rank a colour based on how the team is trending: green (trending up), red (trending down, like my math marks over the years), and gray (consistent... or you simply can't become more extreme, either first or worst). THE RANK ITSELF IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF THIS.
Along with a weekly Most Valuable Player, there will be a Least Valuable Player included for each team as well, from now on. Like the MVP, the LVP isn't simply the most/least fantasy points achieved on the week. If a depth player performs near the top of the team, then they may be awarded the MVP; likewise, if a superstar has an off week, they may end up being the team donkey. It is almost entirely subjective, but within reason. I may target a player for being clutch (or not being clutch) in a close matchup towards the end of the week. If your favourite player isn't picked, go tell Ron Wilson, and he'll tell you about how inconsistent they are. I don't want to hear it. For the 2016-17 season and onward, I will not be posting statistics along with the player, just the recipient of said honours.
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#6 MARS MARTIANS • 1-2
Goddammit.
I keep telling myself: one of these days, I won’t rank Mars last. Yet, here they are!
Look, I know there’s every reason to put the Dictators last, with a worse record, fewer fantasy points on the season, and just an overall “Buffalo Sabres” feel seemingly reeking from the franchise. But, I’m not going to praise Mars for someone else’s failure (despite the fact that I have many a time before). You want a higher spot? Win. It’s that simple.
The matchup itself was pretty close — both teams placing in the middle of the league in scoring (3rd for Guelph and 5th for Mars) when factoring the points jump between 2-3 and 5-6 — but the better squad won. Wait, better squad? Did I really just say Guelph has a better squad than someone?
Stuff happened, a team won, and I wrote about it. I think I wrote enough. Deal with it.
I’m going to wrap this up early, on account of today being Wednesday and I’m caught with a busy day tomorrow: I need to get a course add waiver/form, meet with my SAS counsellor, do two online quizzes, order bare Domino’s Pizza, do a shit-ton of laundry, and play dank Rocket League. Also, I have class.
Next week, it’s the first meeting between the M’s and the Goats since last season’s Final. What will happen? Stay tuned to find out (or don’t, we all know who’s winning this one).
MVP: Mr. THREE SHUTOUTS, Devan Dubnyk
LVP: Mr. ZERO SHUTOUTS (and a dismal -7.9), Pekka Rinne
Reason for hope: You’re not the worst record in the league.
#5 NORTH KOREA KOMODOS • 0-3
I really tried this week, but after hours of searching, I simply couldn’t find your team.
Figure it out, kid! Ask Blob McKenzie to help you, he’s an expert with this hockey thing.
I think it goes without saying that the Komodos lost this week, but more on that later. I’m not wasting any more precious seconds typing about this team than I absolutely have to. Filth!
Oh, and if things weren’t bad enough, you’re facing the #1 ranked team this week. Good luck, bud.
MVP: Who cares (fine, it was Jake Allen)
LVP: OH PK! *Stier in the distance* OH SUBBAN OHHHH!
Reason for hope: Can’t think of anything. Also, you owe us $50.
#4 GUELPH GRYPHONS • 2-1
You finally traded Spezza. Was it enough to hold up a top-3 spot? Why no, it wasn’t. Especially when you beat up on the #6 ranked team. Booooo!
My logic is flawed, just roll with it.
GM Rod Heaney is satisfied with his extremely busy week, making several trades (especially the aforementioned Jason Spezza-to-Halifax blockbuster deal), which means he probably won’t make another trade until at least a week before the trade deadline, if not later.
Next week is the team that overtook you for top 3, the Hamilton Huskies. Here’s your chance to prove me wrong (although I’m definitely not putting you first).
MVP: Sasha Radulov
LVP: I usually like putting stars that didn’t do well for LVP, but I can’t find any stars on your team
Reason for hope: You’ve decided to stop making trades for now.
#3 HAMILTON HUSKIES • 2-1
Cool. Cool cool cool.
Wait, you notice when I repeat jokes? Fuck.
Good week, sir. Maybe this time, you can beat an actual team.
The Sharvit Squad wasted a top-scoring week on the lowest scoring opponent, in a 402.4—286.5 thriller with North Korea.
Last PR, I praised Hamilton’s new logo, but after further research I cannot confidently trust that the organization independently created the logo with no outside influences.
This is a team that, for the first time ever, looks dangerous right out of the get-go. I’ve probably said this already, but it would be a severe, fatal mistake to take them lightly. I’ll put it this way; they’re the new Goats. Wait, no. I’m the new Goats. They’re the new… Huskies? No, the Huskies always start out shit. Did we ever have other good teams in this league? I can’t recall.
In short, Dr. Strange things are happening this week.
Wow. Even I didn’t find that funny. It didn’t even make sense. Like… ? I considered not including it, but I need quota, or you guys might think I seriously think these are the standings (cause, like, I totally don’t, gosh).
Next week, Guelph. Don’t make me look like an ass for putting you third.
MVP: Who else? Craig Anderson #HockeyFightsCancer
LVP: Your precious little Mike Green
Reason for hope: Umm…
#2 GRAND RAPIDS GOATS • 2-1
YES I BEAT HALIFAX I BEAT HALIFAX I BEAT HA… what?? WHAT?
SECOND?
*middle finger emoji*
Grand Rapids played well, while Halifax played less well. The result was a decisive victory, bringing the Goats and three other teams into a tie for first.
Well, winning was fun for a while. Sigh.
According to reports outside Flint and Grand Rapids, owner Adam Stier made several attempts to distract other owners from competing through shady means, such as the following:
• praising them on their trades
• talking to them about event management
• recommending badass TV shows like Trailer Park Boys
Curse you, Adam Stier! Curse you!
Seriously, I sound like a broken record… but I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANY OF YOU DO THESE DAYS!
MVP: Wayne “Blackie” Simmonds
LVP: Jaden Schwartz, who I wouldn’t call a star but you seem to like him, so… sure
Reason for hope: You beat the best team. That makes you the bes… almost best. Good job!
#1 HALIFAX VOYAGEURS • 2-1
Honeymoon is over. Came crashing down. Now, it's time to get the train back on its tracks.
Don't get me wrong. This is still the best team in the league. But there are at least one-and-a-half other good ones out there — the and-a-half just beat you. Badly.
A perceptible hole in net was just begging to screw up the only lasting undefeated team, and screw it up it did. GM James McEnroy spent the beginning of the week working the phones, specifically taking interest in Guelph's Martin Jones, per Matt Harkin. After losing what really wasn't a contest at any point, McInroy decided enough was enough, and fixed up a proverbial three-team trade with the Gryphons and the Huskies, snagging Jones by means of selling the stacked blueline. Was it worth it?
Ask Daniel Bryan.
Anyway, there's my reasoning for putting the Voys first, end of discussion. Now, the jokes.
And those were the jokes. Thanks for joining me this week. I’ve been Dan Ronel. Good night, and good luck demolishing North Korea next week.
MVP: Carey Price
LVP: Evgeny Kuznetsov
Reason for hope: You're still kinda first.