Post by GoVoysGo on Sept 29, 2015 11:01:09 GMT -5
These boards will be used for the weekly power rankings. I thought it would be nice to suggest how this league appears to shape up ahead of this upcoming season. I will be posting the weekly power rankings in one part each week. There will be no bottom half first part, also known as the glass half full half, nor the MC Hammer second portion (Too Legit too Quit). If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
Throughout the season, I will the number rank a colour based on how the team is trending: green (trending up), red (trending down, like my math marks over the years), and gray (consistent... or you simply can't become more extreme, either first or worst). THE RANK ITSELF IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF THIS.
Along with a weekly Most Valuable Player, there will be a Least Valuable Player included for each team as well, from now on. Like the MVP, the LVP isn't simply the most/least fantasy points achieved on the week. If a depth player performs near the top of the team, then they may be awarded the MVP; likewise, if a superstar has an off week, they may end up being the team donkey. It is almost entirely subjective, but within reason. I may target a player for being clutch (or not being clutch) in a close matchup towards the end of the week (you will see me do this twice in this very edition of the PR, for the same team). If your favourite player isn't picked, go tell Ron Wilson, and he'll tell you about how inconsistent they are. I don't want to hear it.
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#6 HAMILTON HUSKIES
Wow.
I have no words. I am utterly shocked. You had a very generous co-commissioner assure all your early picks were taken care of. Yet, when I did a rundown of all the teams an hour ago, I couldn't believe my eyes.
I saw your team on my way to class.
Seriously, when you boast such a high standard after posting so many winning years, pulling of this crap is actually shocking.
I couldn't be happier.
Ding! Dong! The witch is dead!
Let's dig in. Jamie Benn is turning into a superstar, while Hamilton snagging the real-life Anaheim Ducks duo "Getzy" (I know that's not a thing, shhh) is a nice touch. In fact, the early rounds of the draft were successful ones for the Sharv and GM Jon Baloney (Nicklas Backstrom, Shea Weber, Jakub Voracek). Other than a few late steals in the form of Oliver Ekman-Larsson, Blake Wheeler, and John Carlson, Team Sharvit failed to find solid depth. Jeff Skinner, Tomas Tatar, and Patrick Marleau may pretend to look like good hockey players. Don't be fooled. They're not. Sami Vatanen and Hampus Lindholm are also decent late-draft kids, but they won't be all too relevant — this year at least — for the Hamilton Huskies.
By the way, the real life Edmonton Oilers are laughing at your current goalie situation.
Reason for hope: I don't know what the fuck you do but you always start out with a lackluster team and win every time. I might as well have fucking ranked you first.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
Throughout the season, I will the number rank a colour based on how the team is trending: green (trending up), red (trending down, like my math marks over the years), and gray (consistent... or you simply can't become more extreme, either first or worst). THE RANK ITSELF IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF THIS.
Along with a weekly Most Valuable Player, there will be a Least Valuable Player included for each team as well, from now on. Like the MVP, the LVP isn't simply the most/least fantasy points achieved on the week. If a depth player performs near the top of the team, then they may be awarded the MVP; likewise, if a superstar has an off week, they may end up being the team donkey. It is almost entirely subjective, but within reason. I may target a player for being clutch (or not being clutch) in a close matchup towards the end of the week (you will see me do this twice in this very edition of the PR, for the same team). If your favourite player isn't picked, go tell Ron Wilson, and he'll tell you about how inconsistent they are. I don't want to hear it.
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#1 GUELPH GRYPHONS
Well done, my friend.
You managed to get hockey's power couple in "Crosvechkin" with ease, sport four solid goaltenders, and have some young guns to boot for years to come. For that, you have earned the top spot.
Well done.
After nearly quitting the league due to disputes with the commissioners and one particularly nosy owner, the newly relocated Guelph Gryphons have bounced back in a huge way. But be warned, this team is very top heavy. I mean, really top heavy. Ask Adam Stier. He will tell you how many Max Sky Cups that will win you.
If there is one spot Reich could improve his team, it would be the defensive position; there are plenty of cheap options available but all are owned by really assholish owners. Hmmm...
Reason for hope: After berating you for being the only team potentially worse than Seattle last year, Ronel is now considering you better than him (and all others). Take this and fucking run. RUN FORREST! RUN!
#2 SEATTLE JUGGERNAUTS
DO YOU NOT FUCKING REMEMBER THE LAST TIME YOU RANKED YOURSELF SECOND IN THE PRESEASON? WHAT HAPPENED, HUH? WHAT HAPPENED?
Everyone called you crazy and then you missed the playoffs.
Still, it's hard not to like this squad. Hockey's best player in Carey Price fell to GM Bryan Dirks at second overall. Seattle maintains a healthy balance between veterans, primers, and prospects. Every position has a few top players, and some depth to boot. If not for the immense starpower that the Guelph Gryphons possess, the 'Jugs' could easily take the cake in this ranking. The Gryphons are shaping up to look like the Grand Rapids Goats of 2014-15 while Seattle looks to follow in the footsteps of last year's Hamilton Huskies. This is very good for Seattle as the Huskies won the Max Sky Cup. I'm not saying anything... but that's just because I'm from Toronto and we jinx everything.
Plus, you got Big Buff, who don't take shit from nobody. He probably gained some weight in the offseason like he always does, but he doesn't give a shit. Neither should you.
Now make sure not to throw your team away this time and you might actually have a chance.
Reason for hope: You haven't screwed up yet.
#3 AUSTIN BRUINS
Not bad, newbie. Not bad.
Snagging Giroux late was a plus. Johanson, Karlsson, Tarasenko, and Holtby round off the big shot names for the Bruins. What I like about the squad is that they have depth. Ekblad, Turris, Ladd, J-Shway, and Stepan will provide some scoring relief for the stars. Rask looks to improve on last season's dismal start and decent campaign.
Reason for hope: You seem kinda funny. I'm not sure how this will help your team, but it should help your confidence. 
#4 GRAND RAPIDS GOATS
Not bad for a team that didn't make half its picks.
For years, Adam Stier's mortal enemy has been rival owner Adam Sharvit. However, this year he is faced with the dreaded... NOT WORKING INTERNET! GASP!
After fixing his problems, the draft immediately ended, in ironic fashion. I recently caught up with Stier, talking about the pros and cons of his team. I mentioned a few players that I myself wouldn't have drafted but could recognize the value of (Jason Pominville, Patrick Sharp, Derrick Brassard, Henrik Sedin, Eric Staal, Scott Hartnell). Those players — as he would explain, exasperated — were all taken via autodraft. Ah, woe is me. Or... you.
I think this is a better situation than previous teams of this franchise. Rather than starting with the team prematurely ranked first yearly, typically top heavy and sometimes lacking in depth, the Grand Rapids Goats now have a handful of stars and very little depth. Maybe they've been waiting for the underdog label!
It's shit like this that makes everyone think I'm a fucking idiot... sigh...
Reason for hope: Your autodraft is better at selecting players than Adam Sharvit.
#5 MARKHAM MAJORS
I was a little hard pressed to rank you this low. Then I remembered your roster is older than Bill Russell's mother.
Jonathan Tavares. Evgeni Malkin. Logan Couture. Rick Nash. Kevin Shattenkirk. That is a very strong top layer.
Yet, that isn't even the best part of the Markham Majors. The squad looks to play off the tandem of Henrik Lundqvist and Pekka Rinne, two superstar goalies.
While this team does have some depth, most of that is aging/regressing (see: Jarome Iginla, Marian Hossa, Mark Streit, Sergei Markov, Ryan Kesler, Niklas Kronwall, Daniel Sedin, David Backes, Dennis Wideman). It is alright if you favour cougars over milfs, but that does not translate over well in hockey.
I see this team as a 5th ranked team... with low accuracy; I would not be surprised if owner Noah Rotman stirred the pot and brought his team up and into the playoffs.
Reason for hope: Some teams are very notorious for being taken advantage of in trades. Since you're the master of the low-ball, use this to your advantage.
Wow.
I have no words. I am utterly shocked. You had a very generous co-commissioner assure all your early picks were taken care of. Yet, when I did a rundown of all the teams an hour ago, I couldn't believe my eyes.
I saw your team on my way to class.
Seriously, when you boast such a high standard after posting so many winning years, pulling of this crap is actually shocking.
I couldn't be happier.
Ding! Dong! The witch is dead!
Let's dig in. Jamie Benn is turning into a superstar, while Hamilton snagging the real-life Anaheim Ducks duo "Getzy" (I know that's not a thing, shhh) is a nice touch. In fact, the early rounds of the draft were successful ones for the Sharv and GM Jon Baloney (Nicklas Backstrom, Shea Weber, Jakub Voracek). Other than a few late steals in the form of Oliver Ekman-Larsson, Blake Wheeler, and John Carlson, Team Sharvit failed to find solid depth. Jeff Skinner, Tomas Tatar, and Patrick Marleau may pretend to look like good hockey players. Don't be fooled. They're not. Sami Vatanen and Hampus Lindholm are also decent late-draft kids, but they won't be all too relevant — this year at least — for the Hamilton Huskies.
By the way, the real life Edmonton Oilers are laughing at your current goalie situation.
Reason for hope: I don't know what the fuck you do but you always start out with a lackluster team and win every time. I might as well have fucking ranked you first.