Post by GoVoysGo on Oct 23, 2014 1:03:08 GMT -5
These boards will be used for the weekly power rankings. I thought it would be nice to suggest how this league appears to shape up ahead of this upcoming season. I will be posting the weekly power rankings in one part each week. There will be no bottom half first part, also known as the glass half full half, nor the MC Hammer second portion (Too Legit too Quit). If you get offended that is OK we weren't going to spend Christmas together anyways.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
#1 GRAND RAPIDS GOATS (1) 2-0
We're five days into the week. HAM 306.6 - 288.6 GR. Still a pretty close matchup, but the Sharvit squad looking strong heading into the final sprint. What's that you ask? The final score?
Not even close.
The Grand Rapids Goats demolished the Hamilton Huskies 548.8 - 431.3. Over the weekend, the point differential was 135.5 (in favour of Adam Stier's Goats). I picked you top team every week, and here you are, delivering, business as usual. Please, feel free to take a week off from your hard work (your players, too).
MVP: Steven Stamkos - 3 GP • 5 G (2 PPG) • 1 A (1 PPA) • 1 HAT TRICK • 58.7 FPTS
Reason for hope: Your upcoming matchup.
#2 DALLAS DIAMONDS (3) 1-1
So, despite losing to the Sharvit squad (yeah, that's a thing now), sporting the same record as them, and scoring fewer points than them, I've decided to place the Diamonds second. Am I crazy? No doubt. Do I have an explanation for the ranking?
This is a team that continues to compete despite not having a competitive roster.
As owner Isaac Reich continues to drive the squad into the ground with absolutely ludicrous trades, Dallas seems to climb the standings, with top three performances every week so far (including a top two finish that nearly saw them dethrone the reigning champion at homecoming). The world asked how. Nobody responded. It works, and it doesn't need a reason as to why it works.
I will admit he has some fine goaltending and we have seen (ahem, Mr. Korodetz) that this is a brilliant idea that will almost win you the championship.
MVP: Frederik Anderson - 4 GS • 4 W • 1 SO • 0.933 SV% • 98 SAVES • 66 FPTS (ESPN screwed something up, it lists him as having 3 wins, 94 saves, 54.8 fpts... I dunno)
Reason for hope: From experience, I can assure you that as you make more bad trades, you slowly stop making bad trades. There are two reasons. The first is that the humiliation is brutal. You never want that shit again. The second can be extracted from the quote: "U have to fail before u succeed." (Michael Tobis)
#3 HAMILTON HUSKIES (2) 1-1
I truly feel for you. That loss came out of nowhere. At least you didn't bench any shutouts (I don't think).
After the dust has settled, Grand Rapids completed their ultimate comeback over the Sharvit squad. So, what now?
I cannot deny your incredible ability in acquiring depth. Your roster has über depth. The Huskies won their previous championships with a ton of depth. The difference between those Huskies and the Huskies of this year (besides the name)?
The incumbent Hamilton Huskies have no star player.
Seriously. You traded them all away. Moreover, your trades this year are consisting of either idiocy or Dallas-shanking. The real-life Arizona Coyotes would like to let you know that the same strategy has rewarded them with 0 franchise Stanley Cups. Take the advice.
MVP: Jonathan Quick - 3 GS • 3 W • 2 GA • 0.983 SV%, WOAH • 60 FPTS
Reason for hope: The Mark Korodetz-led Red Deer Blades should give you a very good opportunity to get back on track. Early in the league, this could be vital in the race for the President's Trophy; a loss here would put you 3 GB.
#4 RED DEER BLADES (5) 1-1
The sun don't shine up the same dog's ass every week. It sure didn't this time.
Oddly enough, it appears you have found yourself on the other end of the totem pole: losing a close game in which — judging by the rosters — you should have won.
This is both a blessing and a curse.
THE BLESSING: You can compete. You can win and lose close games.
THE CURSE: Neither team you faced is really any good (although Dallas is performing excellently).
MVP: Mikkel Boedker - 2 GP • 3 G (1 PPG) • 1 A • 1 HAT TRICK • 36.5 FPTS
Reason for hope: Your upcoming opponent, the Sharvit squad, is coming off of a very solid week. According to Shmuel Kantor's reasoning (and apparently McInroy's), Hamilton probably won't do as well this week.
#5 MILWAUKEE BLIZZARDS (6) 1-1
Mr. Kantor, you have earned yourself some respect by winning a matchup. It is only a teeny tiny bit of respect though, as the team the Blizzard beat was the lowly Seattle Blazers. They placed second to last in overall performance, meaning that had Milwaukee not faced Seattle, they would be 0-2, sir.
That's not a good sign. Just look at Seattle.
I feel as though I should stick to bashing Milwaukee as I will do plenty of bashing of mine in a moment.
Really, the only other thing I can say is that the Blizzard logo is so bad that it is causing riots in Vancouver as we speak. "Buttfuck cold?" Really?
MVP: Tyler Seguin - 2 GP • 1 G (1 PPG) • 4 A (2 PPA) • 1 GWG • 34.4 FPTS
Reason for despair: Your Injury Reserve is starting to look a lot like Red Deer's.
#6 SEATTLE BLAZERS (4) 0-2
Sorry man, but I need my job.
Also, you suck, me. Grow a pair and make a goddamn trade.
YOU GOT OWNED BY THE PREVIOUSLY 6TH RANKED MILWAUKEE BLIZZARD!
On Friday (Oct. 17), Milwaukee scored 67.8 points. To compare... GR scored 53. RD scored 58.9. HAM did decent with 44.2. DAL only put up 28.9, but that's still not bad. Let's play "How Many Did Seattle Score?" No? You can't figure it out?
Try 6.3.
SIX POINT THREE!
You didn't even hit 300 points on the week!
If that weren't bad enough, you can absolutely forget about next week, where you will play the Grand Rapids Griffins. Nope, forget about it. Don't even bother showing up.
MVP: Claude Giroux, barely beating out Alex Ovechkin - 2 GP • 1 G (1 PPG) • 3 A (2 PPA) • 1 GWG • 34.2 FPTS
Reason for hope: Yeah, I got nothing.
The grammar will be bad and if you feel the need to point that out please be prepared to make a fist with your right hand and shake it back and forth so you can visualize my response to those complaints.
The Power Rankings are composed based on performance, record, and a glance at the team rosters...........
And finally, please have fun with these as I intend to, and try to ignore the fact that I copied the beginning of Clint J. Gritt's weekly power rankings from the Triple Play Dynasty baseball league.
I WOULD LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS WEEK'S EDITION OF TFHN'S POWER RANKING TO CPL. NATHAN CIRILLO, THE UNSUSPECTING VICTIM OF A DEATHLY SHOOTING AT THE WAR MEMORIAL OF PARLIAMENT HILL. WE ARE ALL PROUD OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR OUR COUNTRY. OUR HEARTS ARE HEAVY. REST IN PEACE, NATHAN.
Without further ado, the rankings.
We're five days into the week. HAM 306.6 - 288.6 GR. Still a pretty close matchup, but the Sharvit squad looking strong heading into the final sprint. What's that you ask? The final score?
Not even close.
The Grand Rapids Goats demolished the Hamilton Huskies 548.8 - 431.3. Over the weekend, the point differential was 135.5 (in favour of Adam Stier's Goats). I picked you top team every week, and here you are, delivering, business as usual. Please, feel free to take a week off from your hard work (your players, too).
MVP: Steven Stamkos - 3 GP • 5 G (2 PPG) • 1 A (1 PPA) • 1 HAT TRICK • 58.7 FPTS
Reason for hope: Your upcoming matchup.
#2 DALLAS DIAMONDS (3) 1-1
So, despite losing to the Sharvit squad (yeah, that's a thing now), sporting the same record as them, and scoring fewer points than them, I've decided to place the Diamonds second. Am I crazy? No doubt. Do I have an explanation for the ranking?
This is a team that continues to compete despite not having a competitive roster.
As owner Isaac Reich continues to drive the squad into the ground with absolutely ludicrous trades, Dallas seems to climb the standings, with top three performances every week so far (including a top two finish that nearly saw them dethrone the reigning champion at homecoming). The world asked how. Nobody responded. It works, and it doesn't need a reason as to why it works.
I will admit he has some fine goaltending and we have seen (ahem, Mr. Korodetz) that this is a brilliant idea that will almost win you the championship.
MVP: Frederik Anderson - 4 GS • 4 W • 1 SO • 0.933 SV% • 98 SAVES • 66 FPTS (ESPN screwed something up, it lists him as having 3 wins, 94 saves, 54.8 fpts... I dunno)
Reason for hope: From experience, I can assure you that as you make more bad trades, you slowly stop making bad trades. There are two reasons. The first is that the humiliation is brutal. You never want that shit again. The second can be extracted from the quote: "U have to fail before u succeed." (Michael Tobis)
#3 HAMILTON HUSKIES (2) 1-1
I truly feel for you. That loss came out of nowhere. At least you didn't bench any shutouts (I don't think).
After the dust has settled, Grand Rapids completed their ultimate comeback over the Sharvit squad. So, what now?
I cannot deny your incredible ability in acquiring depth. Your roster has über depth. The Huskies won their previous championships with a ton of depth. The difference between those Huskies and the Huskies of this year (besides the name)?
The incumbent Hamilton Huskies have no star player.
Seriously. You traded them all away. Moreover, your trades this year are consisting of either idiocy or Dallas-shanking. The real-life Arizona Coyotes would like to let you know that the same strategy has rewarded them with 0 franchise Stanley Cups. Take the advice.
MVP: Jonathan Quick - 3 GS • 3 W • 2 GA • 0.983 SV%, WOAH • 60 FPTS
Reason for hope: The Mark Korodetz-led Red Deer Blades should give you a very good opportunity to get back on track. Early in the league, this could be vital in the race for the President's Trophy; a loss here would put you 3 GB.
#4 RED DEER BLADES (5) 1-1
The sun don't shine up the same dog's ass every week. It sure didn't this time.
Oddly enough, it appears you have found yourself on the other end of the totem pole: losing a close game in which — judging by the rosters — you should have won.
This is both a blessing and a curse.
THE BLESSING: You can compete. You can win and lose close games.
THE CURSE: Neither team you faced is really any good (although Dallas is performing excellently).
MVP: Mikkel Boedker - 2 GP • 3 G (1 PPG) • 1 A • 1 HAT TRICK • 36.5 FPTS
Reason for hope: Your upcoming opponent, the Sharvit squad, is coming off of a very solid week. According to Shmuel Kantor's reasoning (and apparently McInroy's), Hamilton probably won't do as well this week.
#5 MILWAUKEE BLIZZARDS (6) 1-1
Mr. Kantor, you have earned yourself some respect by winning a matchup. It is only a teeny tiny bit of respect though, as the team the Blizzard beat was the lowly Seattle Blazers. They placed second to last in overall performance, meaning that had Milwaukee not faced Seattle, they would be 0-2, sir.
That's not a good sign. Just look at Seattle.
I feel as though I should stick to bashing Milwaukee as I will do plenty of bashing of mine in a moment.
Really, the only other thing I can say is that the Blizzard logo is so bad that it is causing riots in Vancouver as we speak. "Buttfuck cold?" Really?
MVP: Tyler Seguin - 2 GP • 1 G (1 PPG) • 4 A (2 PPA) • 1 GWG • 34.4 FPTS
Reason for despair: Your Injury Reserve is starting to look a lot like Red Deer's.
#6 SEATTLE BLAZERS (4) 0-2
Sorry man, but I need my job.
Also, you suck, me. Grow a pair and make a goddamn trade.
YOU GOT OWNED BY THE PREVIOUSLY 6TH RANKED MILWAUKEE BLIZZARD!
On Friday (Oct. 17), Milwaukee scored 67.8 points. To compare... GR scored 53. RD scored 58.9. HAM did decent with 44.2. DAL only put up 28.9, but that's still not bad. Let's play "How Many Did Seattle Score?" No? You can't figure it out?
Try 6.3.
SIX POINT THREE!
You didn't even hit 300 points on the week!
If that weren't bad enough, you can absolutely forget about next week, where you will play the Grand Rapids Griffins. Nope, forget about it. Don't even bother showing up.
MVP: Claude Giroux, barely beating out Alex Ovechkin - 2 GP • 1 G (1 PPG) • 3 A (2 PPA) • 1 GWG • 34.2 FPTS
Reason for hope: Yeah, I got nothing.